Fake conversations, Small Talk Difficulties

When I’m in a “good” place and can talk to my roommate, I always feel so fake. I try to smalltalk, but it is so exhausting and someone is telling me: why are you saying this? This is not you, do not be foolish, you are not like these people. Do not even pretend. Do not be ridiculous.
I try to smile and keep the conversation flowing, it is really difficult. Does anyone else feel like this? Feel fake when your trying so hard to just act normal?

I always feel like a fake. Especially when voices tell me I’m a big fake. They say I’m not wanted here, you are not ill, you are just making it up, they don’t like you. I try ont to listen to the voices. I’m very bad at small talk. I want a subject to talk about. If the other person doesn’t start a subject, I try to come up with something. Like movies or games.


They tell me the same, that I’m making it all up. It makes me doubt everything, and makes me feel guilty, like I’m waisting everyones time.
Subjects is a good idea, but when I try to come up with something, my thoughts just move even faster, spinning and I have to really concentrate to catch some and identify the thought. It is properly really boring talking with me.

I have a wheel in my head used to spin so fast I couldn’t keep on topic. I would jump topic and not be able to finish a sentence. It took work, but I think I’m learning how to “small talk”

I learned a lot from this site in fact. Before I would just talk and expect everyone to listen for hours as I babbled about the importance of the environment.

But when I started on here and learned to look at what people are saying and have to slow down and think of an appropriate response… I find it’s carried over into my conversations as well.

My voices would like to kick me down and tell me “NO one can relate, your different, your nothing like anyone around you. Why are you lowering yourself or trying to reach out to these others?”

It took a lot of work, but I had to remind myself… I am like other people in the fact that I’m a person.

As far as acting normal… I keep asking… what is normal? Because the “normal” people I know… aren’t normal. They are functional… but I wouldn’t call them normal.


My problem is that I have a lot of big issues and conversations in my head, not suited for smalltalk, but I never talk about this to others, I know they would properly find it odd. I don’t know.

I guess normal is just the majority. In my point of view. But I get your point.

the only way to find out if someone is interested in big issues is to try talking to them. There are some people out there who are deeper thinkers and might feel the same way you do about large issues. Not everyone is all about their yoga pants, the weather and the newest movie out.

You’re right, but I think the doubt and insecurity gets to me. And then the thoughts start spinning and the voices. I would not know where to start, but I guess I have to practice that.

The thing about small talk is its just an entry point to start getting to know someone. People who are engaged in small talk about yoga pants, the weather or the latest movie - are not likely that into any of these things. Its just a socially pleasant way to start to get to know people so you can determine if you both share interests, perspectives, opinions, ets - that might be a path towards a friendship.

SOme videos that might be of interest on this topic:

How to engage in better small talk:

And Ellen on SmallTalk: