The psychotic/manic episode has ended, I feel less insane. the new meds do their job, or so I believe.
After the dust is settled, emptiness and loneliness is all that’s left.
Do you feel the same sometimes?
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I think mania can be weird, in that people who have experienced it can get addicted to it. Much like people who have never experienced a stimulant high for example will never lust after the experience. But in a way experiencing mania can make you feel like you have another setting or gear. Almost as if your mind has been opened, or like manic/psychotic you is the real or better you.
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Agreed, I notice that I tend to destabilise myself to get into that state where I feel more powerful, able to change things. heavy stress brings it out for me.
guess I’m not the only one who’s doing it
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I’ve never experienced mania, but after psychotic episodes I also feel especially lonely.
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After I have a particularly bad psychotic moment during the day, I usually feel sleepy and drained, like it’s sapped all of my energy. I haven’t really experienced mania, at least not by my recollection, though.
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I’m pretty sure I was manic leading up to my psychotic break; I felt “enlightened” and got really into personality tests, deciding I had a special “intuitive” personality. I’d never been so happy. The calm before the storm, I guess. 
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I think that you are pretty smart. you sound like you are able to analyse yourself pretty well and I guess that you can thank your strong intuition for it. the illness may had made you feel a bit grandiose but I do believe that, with the abilities you probably have, you can express some pride from time to time without criticising yourself for it. you are a cool girl and a true beauty, hope I’ll be lucky enough to meet people like you around here
In other words, here is a confidence boost 
have a great day
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Thank you so much for the kind words!! I’ll try to feel better about myself. 
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I have never experienced a euphoric, “high” mania. I don’t know what that is. My manias have always been mixed manias. In other words, irritable, angry, no sleep kind of manias. I have also had manias where I laugh at everything. Everything, no matter how mundane, seems terribly funny. And I hate it. It’s not a good feeling.
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I’ve had the kind of mania where you laugh at everything, too. I was quite pleased about being able to find humor in everything at the time but looking back, it was disturbing.
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