Everything good turns bad, might die before other things get worse

I ■■■■■■■ WANT TO KILL MYSELF why do i have to choose between being insane and being obese i really don’t like being fat and i have lost 46 pounds and now i am finally starting to feel better about my weight but this whole time i have been unstable on this new med and having episodes of rage and wanting to kill myself because i cant control myself when i get angry and am irritable all the time so I’m going to have to switch meds and probably will gain a lot of weight like i did when i was on Zyprexa,

I have been reading around and I’m thinking of switching to abilify because it is somewhat weight neutral but i am seeing so many people on abilify that do diets that they would have lost a ton of weight doing if they weren’t on the med and literally their weight will stay the same and not change at all and this really sucks i am 5’11" 194 pounds and i will probably cry if i gain any weight i hate life i hate being psychotic and i really hate waking up in the morning and looking in the mirror and seeing a fat ■■■■ who cant lose weight at all because he is mentally ill and has to take ■■■■■■ up medications,

my life is actually ruined by psychosis and whatever is wrong with my mood, I’m not in school i have no friends i cant enjoy anything i want to die I’m losing weight but i am probably gonna get fat again because of these shitty meds I’m really done right now i think i might actually go through with killing myself i tried once before but i did it all wrong i really don’t want to get fat again and get laughed at by my family this Christmas because of how fat i am not even able to go swimming because i am fat i am done with life

Don’t be ridiculous. Being fat is not worth killing yourself over. I’m sure you don’t think fat people should kill themselves.

You can get on a new medication. There are other meds that are fairly weight neutral, and I’ve read your posts about your diet and you pay attention to it, you’re going to be able to maintain a good weight on one of the available meds.

I’m much more concerned about your state of mind than your weight. If you’re in danger of killing yourself, you should go to the ER.

Don’t make your family call 911 for you. Go in yourself. ER helps people who are suicidal all the time.

I know people who tried to kill themselves and they just made their lives worse.

my weight and fitness is the only thing I think about but I also am worried about my mental health but I guess it is more important that I am stable and not raging and hearing voices and wanting to kill myself rather than being slim

1 Like

It is. Also, good news, being fat is 100% reversible. If you don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror, tell yourself “it’s only for awhile, I’ll get this sorted.”

1 Like

its not reversible if your on a medication that affects your metabolism alot but I am just hoping that the next AP I go on doesn’t mess mine up like how Zyprexa did when I was on that

I’ve been there with the meds that made me need to stuff my face, I’ve gained so much weight so fast I got stretch marks (still have em). But, I got on different meds. Although you may be on some med for life, it doesn’t necessarily have to be one that causes weight gain.

Even if Zyprexa is the med for you, a new version is coming out in a few years that will cause less weight gain.

I probably wouldn’t take the new Zyprexa it gave me sleep paralysis everynight and made me starving all the time, I feel like Zyprexa changes the mind completely and how one would feel about food so it makes u feel like you are starving all the time I got physical stomach pain from eating so much at once when I was on that med I think I had the side effects a lot stronger than other people who have taken it I am just hoping that when I ask to switch to abilify that I will be able to feel normal without gaining weight

You remind me of me. I get pissed off and irritable too. I’m six feet 2 inches and 219 pounds. I’m like 20 pounds over weight. I don’t have a job and don’t go to school. I get pissed off because I don’t have a life. Your post made me feel better because you are like me. I’ve been suicidal a lot of times, especially lately.

2 Likes

I am 5’10" was 220. Its not really zyprexa that made me fat i dont think, it was eating to cope with anhedonia. I still struggle hard with keeping the weight off, i walk every morning, it helps, i drink a cup of coffee to motivate

Explosive anger means wrong or not enough dose of meds, inquire about your meds,

this has been going on for a couple days at least. How much can you take? I think you should go to the ER now. It’s too much to handle all by yourself. It’s just to hard, how much more can you take? Stay alive friend.

1 Like

I’m 5’11" and 195 too! But I don’t consider myself that fat at all. I’ve been playing tennis and taking a supplement , CLA, to turn fat into muscle. People comment how good I look, plus growing up I always wanted to gain weight and be a beefcake. Now, a year ago my belly was huge but I’ve turned that around too without losing weight. So I’d say it’s not the weight you gain but the fat that matters. All you need is some goood supplements and cardio, maybe lift a weight and you’ll look great. It can be done. Also do vaccumes for your waste, check it out on YouTube

On respirdal I gained 30-40 pounds in just a couple of months. On abilify I went back and forth between gaining and losing 10 pounds, but have had a mostly stable weight for the four years I’ve been taking abilify. When I added wellbutrin to abilify I lost 20 pounds. From what I’ve heard zyprexa is one of the worst antipsychotics for weight gain.

yeah but weight can be solved as long as you are willing. Exercise, follow a nutrition plan… :o)

I will see these when I go back

Geodon is one of the weaker antipsychotics. Even at high doses people often struggle with symptoms, especially if you are treatment resistant. After about 3 months I was done feeling crazy all the time.

I am also very vain when it comes to my weight, I want to look like how I used to. I am trying aripiprazole, maybe I can get back to you and tell you whether I lost some weight,

1 Like

i have been on Geodon for a little over 3 months and i have been feeling bad on it the only reason i haven’t asked for something else is because i am losing weight but i think my mental health is more important than my weight and I’m going to ask to be put on abilify in a few days I’m hoping it will help me and i will try to stick to the diet that has been working for me i will be ok if my weight stays the same but if i gain i will probably be a little sad but i will keep taking it because i rather be a little overweight than feel unmedicated

3 Likes

If you are suicidal you need to tell someone who can help you. Like your family, your doctor or therapist, or someone else you know and trust. I suffer from paranoia and schizophrenia. I’m 56 years old and my schizophrenia started when I was 19. At various times in my life I’ve been fat, an addict, depressed, psychotic, physically ill, suicidal, poor, locked up in a hospital, frightened for years and a host of other bad things. All of them turned out to be. temporary.

BUT…I can also say that since I’ve been ill at various times that I lost 60 lbs and kept most of it off, I took weightlifting in college and I got in great physical shape, I’ve had thousands of dollars to do what I wanted with, I get happy a lot, my psychosis is gone or at least not as bad s it was, I probably don’t experience pleasure in ,life like non-schizophrenics might, but in my own way I still enjoy, nice weather, being in greenery in parks, gazing at far-away mountains on clear days. I have more moments where my mind is quiet and fear leaves me. These things can happen to you too. Anyone looking at me when I was 20 years old would have thought I was hopeless. No one who knew me when I was 20 would never have dreamed that I would ever work again or that I would go to school. But I did both these things and more.

Anyways, you’re in a really, really bad situation now that won’t go away overnight but when I was your age I was in terrible, terrible, shape mentally too. But things change. I’ve seen too many miracles happening where schizophrenics I’ve known over the years, want to give up and not try anymore and then I run into them years later and they have jobs, or a college degree or a pretty girlfriend. But they just kept going even though they felt like you do. I’m writing about myself here not too brag but just to use myself as an example as to what is possible.

I will leave you with this simple saying from AA: “Don’t quit ten minutes before the miracle happens.”

4 Likes

reading your responses give me hope that maybe in the future i will be better and be actually content with my life and not always feeling bad and unstable i am hoping the med i am asking to switch to in a couple days will actually help me and not make me want to die and feel so bad all the time always pissed off about little things and getting violent and mad at my closest family like how i have been on the one I’m on right now. i have calmed down some but i have been raging so much more often on this med and the last med i was on actually made me have less of this but the side effects were too much and were starting to cause physical health problems so now i am about to ask to switch to another med in a few days and i am just hoping that it helps me without too bad of side effects, i really hate that things this bad have happened in my life at such a young age it almost feels like my life should be over and I’m only 16 i thought all my problems would be gone as soon as the voices got quieter but thats not my only problem. i am just gonna try to help myself and tell my doctor the truth about exactly how i feel so i can get better

1 Like

When I saw my first therapist when I was 19, I never told her about what was really going on with me. I used to just go and chat about the weather or sports or whatever but I never told her my weird thoughts. So she had no idea how sick i was.

After seeing her for three months the head psychiatrist at the clinic called a meeting between him, me, my therapist and my parents. After half an hour the psychiatrist told mt parents to put me in the psyche ward. My therapist cried because she didn’t know I was suffering. Maybe things wouldn’t have gotten as bad as they did if I had just been honest with her from the start. I would have ended up schizophrenic anyways but the road may have been easier if she knew what was going on. So yeah, maybe telling your therapist what’s really bothering you might be a good idea.

1 Like