Emotional Pain

I can understand the metaphorical characterization of our hearts being the seat of our emotions as for ten long years I was in intense emotional pain and this pain felt as though it were coming from just that, my heart or even my soul if those exist. It was a physical as well as emotional feeling that would wash over me, pangs of intense hurt and anguish. I drank during those times but this only made it go away temporarily just to come back ten fold later on. I took pills to knock myself out, nothing I tried could stop this pain I was in. It was an awful feeling, I even put a few holes in the walls of that house in fits of anguish because of it. It was miserable.

In the end I could only let it run it’s course and work it’s way out of my system, this unbearable decade long pain. It took ten years, from about the age of 19 until I was 29 which was the last time I remember feeling those waves of hurt wash over me. Coincidentally or not this was also when I began to recover from my psychoses and had begun to feel stable again.

I don’t think anyone I’d spoken to, who all suggested that such things simply needed to run their course and could not really be treated, thought that it might last as long as it did. This was what people mean when they speak of the phrase “heartbreak”. For me it lasted a decade and was eventually accompanied by insanity. By the time I was 19, when most people are just beginning to live their lives, I felt as though I had lived several. It was if by the age of 19 I’d been through virtually two divorces, trauma, dissociation, thirty acid trips, severe depression and crippling anxiety, I was a wreck and would be feeling it for a very long time.

All I can say is that I don’t wish that feeling on anyone, that pain, that misery and I am so very glad to be finally over and done with it.

Anyone else experience such prolonged periods of pain such as this?

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It must be difficult for you to bear this pain for a decade!
To me, I have pain in my figurative heart, not the physical one.
Until the judgement day, I can foresee this emotional wound will not go away. What I do is keep “morphing” the pain to different part of the body, sometimes in the form of anxiety when necessary.

Uh yeah my last name in an anagram of the word “pain” lol. I feel pain that no one really knows me that well. I have a large group of friends and acquaintances, I spend time with people, I meet people, and I have never had a committed romantic relationship. It sucks. I am so good at everything else, I am on a full ride to school, I am in great shape, I am a bodybuilder, but I am schizophrenic and have generalized anxiety disorder and take multiple medications multiple times a day. My teenage years were pretty frustrating. I then was psychotic for about two years, then got on enough medication. I gave up on life at one point, I attempted suicide. After that I became an alcoholic, was already a chain smoker. This was while on a full ride to college. I kept my grades up, believe it or not. I cut half of my classes. I was so deep into psychosis and the self medicating lifestyle that I thought I would just die of liver failure, suicide or lung cancer by 40, work a shitty job and have no friends. I truly saw that as all that there would ever be.

Now I am recovered and I just need a significant other. Like I said, no one really knows me as well as I want them too, I have a history of trauma and ■■■■ besides schizophrenia, I was molested and nearly killed when I was a little boy. I was sent to Catholic schools until I was 16. I am bisexual and prefer men. It wasnt fun.

I have quit feeling as much pain, but it still hurts to be so lonely. What is worse is to have a bunch of friends and not have a boyfriend. Friends are easy for me to make, significant others have never really worked for more than a matter of months.

I know that emotional pain all too well. I had severe depression from 13 to 26. There were periods it went away, but it hit hard. I would listen to depressing music and it made the pain more intense but something felt good about it. It’s funny when they list the symptoms of depression they don’t list that emotional pain. That’s how I always knew I was depressed. It magically went away four years ago, but was replaced with psychosis. I’m glad it’s gone. It was almost as bad as the psychosis, maybe worse. :sunny:

I think emotional pain accompanies most sz’s at one time or another. I’ve had my share. It’s frustrating because it is so hard to treat. Anyone who has emotional pain has my sympathy.