Since my last episode which was almost a year ago. I have been left feeling hollow inside. Only pain and anguish. It feels like my heart broke or is missing.
Has anyone ever experienced this. I can feel but it’s only negative emotions and hurt and pain. What type of symptom would this be categorized as?
Thanks
This sounds like diminished sense of purpose or diminished emotional range. These are negative symptoms and I have them too. The meds also eliminate your emotions, obviously, how else would you treat a condition like psychosis. You find that you are less passionate and interested in things, psychosis is just your emotions amplified up, so the meds put you in basically a chemical cage where your emitions are all mild.
me too i have pain in my chest and in my head. i think the pain in the chest is the soul? some say the soul is somewhere there in the chest wow… ive always had emtoions but mainly negative emotions… me too i know the pain, its physical. yours is physical too @MeghillaGorilla1? 7 months that i am on my meds and the pain is still here. its not flat, its more than this - its painfull… can the meds work on this? i dont know anymore…
Well this is the longest that ice ever stuck with the meds, a full year. I never remember feeling this way before them. It feels like it’s all linked to a lack of libido too which I know is from the meds. It sucks that the only treatment for the psychosis can cause so much suffering in other areas of your life.
Hey @Anna1 glad to hear from you. I think you’re right it’s like a pain in the soul. Sometimes I feel like it’s just too much to go any further but the therapist tells me to push myself so I do. I run out of words when I’m talking not because I have cognitive problems but because it’s like, what’s the point? My eyes also look hollow and I look rough basically like I’ve been through a war. It’s psychological I know and like @eduvigis said I think it has to do with taking medicine for so long. But, what other option do we have? Be fat and miserable inside with this soul sickness, or be completely crazy. I’m personally to afraid of the psychosis to chance going off of my meds. Anyway I hope you’re doing well. How’s the exercise going?
I think some of the side effects of the meds set in after like periods of time, like up to a year. Yeah, lack of libido is definitely a life-dampener. You have to hope that at some point you don’t feel like part of you is missing.
Yea definitely I know what you mean. Lack of libido makes me feel like less of a man. Emasculated even. I long for the day that they have meds that don’t do these kinds of things. If the psychosis was under control without the side effects I think life could’ve pretty good still.
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I take lamictal now too so on top of the atypical side effects I can’t think straight and feel stupid when I converse. It works on the depression but at a high cost. All part of being schizoaffective or bipolar 1 whatever they are calling it these days.
i had this soul sickness before my meds. in fact my illness is quite strange. without the meds, the last time i stopped eating. i stopped showering. i was in my bed in foetal position with one torn thinking that nobody loves me, nobody cares about me… i couldn’t think literally at nothing else. i think that i dont feel an inner life also without my meds… maybe i gave up some years ago, long ago but when i think better i see these symptoms even as child… ive had some inside aggression in me in some moments even as child :(…
me too its a pleasure of talking to you wow ! 
i keep doing my 10 minutes of home bicycle per day, its the thing that i can do regarding the fact that i still dont go out for which i feel too much guilt… all these crap i made it worse with my smoking of weed for 6 years in the past. its an error i think… i smoked too much…
whats your weight Gorilla? mine is too big already even tough that i am not craving for food on Zyprexa like many others. i just eat twice a day which is not so much. but i am already 90 kilos… i put 30 kilos with this Zyprexa, a killer thing for me…
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I have noticed a lack of emotion too a little. I didn’t know that this was a negative symptom. I think it is more do to my med though. Still enjoy playing video games and science though.
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Glad to hear that you are keeping up on the exercises. As for not leaving the house, well I know that’s hard. I stayed inside all last winter and most of this summer so almost a year. I had friends but can’t face them because I can’t face myself some days with this illness. I only go out with my family now. It sounds like your meds are working and that’s good. 90 kilos isn’t bad for a girl. I’m 206 lbs. not sure how many kilos that is but I’m roughly 25 lbs overweight. I’m about 5’9 stocky build but I just noticed the weight coming on recently. I take latuda 40 Mgs and lamictal for depression. I know what that’s like, what you just described. I got sick one time and stood in the corner of my room for days on end without eating. I completely lost track of time. I lost so much weight that they had to feed me in the hospital. The lamictal helps with this though but yea it’s another medicine to take with side effects.
its a hard life. But I try to be grateful for the very small things now. Things that most people take for granted. It may not be cool but at least I’m alive and there’s still hope. Someday they will have better medicines and I will be dancing in the streets when that happens!
Also I agree I feel like I’ve given up at times. The illness is just so heavy. I smoked pot for years before I got sick in my 20’s hahs if I only knew what it was doing to me. But I don’t think I ever wanted to be a normal guy. I always wanted to be exceptional and pot made me feel super. I can’t do it anymore because it makes me very crazy. I think I miss it the most because it was such a big part of my life. I go too AA now for that.
yeah, there is hope. but i find it hard when i suffer physically because of the emotional pain. plus the fact that i cant feel joy anymore. sometimes i even get ragy but i turn it against me(typical)… i guess i went under the line lot of years ago… its not normal to have so many states in one day. i go from the depression, to the anger, to the calm or to the paranoia… and i really dont want more meds for all this :(… i am on Depakote too with the Zyprexa. i think if there is recovery it will take time in my case, isn’t it gorilla? for the libido i understand. the desire is important thing in life. but mine was kinda of animalesque at the time so i prefer to have it less now :D.
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I know exactly what you are talking about. It has taken on different forms as I adjust to my meds or as my dose goes up or down. Every now and again I’ll have a moment of clarity like, Oh that’s what I used to feel like. I looked up risperidones side effects, but depression is not often listed. But that’s a lie.
I also agree with being terrified of the psychosis, so what choice do we have? I keep going though. The sz people who have been doing it longer than I seem to have something figured out. Maybe something good can still happen when I get used the side effects.
yes i think so too. It will take time. Ive got all the time in the world, (at least were in our “comfort Zones” there is something to be said for being less “animalesque” haha less drama. But I hope one day I return to my animalistic ways
hey, yea the older folks seem to handle it well. now I know its true that the meds are doing it to me. I also know that I would be normal for a month or two without them and the bam! I’m in the hospital. Time will tell how we handle this I just hope Im not completely broken by the time I hit 40.