There has to be a cause for bipolar and schizoaffective. Is it something as easy as hormone problems or is there a real cause without a cure? Is there a known cause yet? I’m ready to be cured permanently. I’m tired of this stupid effing circus. It doesn’t make you a radical or more intelligent, and my mom has significantly deteriorated. Seeing someone psychotic you realize that it is not enlightenment, rather many of us use enlightenment and think a lot to get through the psychosis. That’s different than it being a psychic disorder. We use more psychic energy in combating the illness, does that make the illness psychic in nature no! Most with full blown schizophrenia lack cognition and insight when not in remission. The balance is so temporary and the information I’m sold I feel is very misleading. I have so many doubts.
I kind of want to believe i have schizophrenia or bipolar but I’m still struggling in grasping what that even means or is. I stopped hearing voices about two years ago and consistently for years at a time, and when I have heard them it was more of intuition and gentle non-invasive guidance. It felt like ESP yes, but it was related to my effort to heal and overcome!!!
You don’t get magically granted the ability to fight schizophrenia and not everyone has the resources. We need to win this fight. We need to solve the riddle of madness and why people lose touch with reality and can’t be brought back. If there is something gene related, then we need to realize the right way to influence those genes to recover, heal, and adapt.
I’m so obsessed with knowledge and lucidity and understanding. I want to know the world’s secrets. My curiosity has grown a lot, and when I’m not discovering something new or perfecting a talent or showing my abilities I feel bored. I need a lot of stimulation, but not overload. I run my own program.
so if I’m bipolar why can’t I recognize it? I’m sure if something bad happened I would start to cry. I do not have mood swings or emotional issues other than fatigue and low motivation but I don’t think it is quite depression. Anti-depressants made me depressed and manic.
Is there a solution? Can someone reaffirm to me that I have a psychotic disorder?
Can someone explain how to put things together when:
Having experienced supernatural phenomena and developed a different perspective that on some levels reality is impermanent and therefore if everything’s malleable so are we.
Having experienced a disintegration of senses and breakdown at private school, can’t stop obsessing that I didn’t become psychotic on my own. Try to break from the memory of the knocking from the closet inside, the fact I didn’t recall switching beds, the red stain in the sky and the teacher saying aliens visited the school. Trying to sift through what’s paranoia and reality.
Having experienced loose associations between my father’s company and future brainwashing where people are chipped and under mass surveillance because of reading a magazine at his office and knowing he’s the designer of software at the root and forefront of EMHRS in Hospitals around the world.
Trying not to be distrustful of my dad. Trying not to obsessively worry. Trying not to wish anyone was gone because I feel pressured by them and then the stabbing guilt of not feeling empathetic enough to truly appreciate people.
Why aren’t more people like me? Am I a freak for questioning my existence? How unlucky am I to also have schizophrenia of some sort, or is that God testing me?
Madness being an endless spiraling stairway with no direction, and my dreams a figment of my own making…how do you know for sure anything’s real?
Am I on the right path? What’s the point of doing something like treating madness, if you can’t even express what makes you crazy? How can I have a psychotic disorder if what I did wasn’t crazy or psychotic?