Remember my first episode, emotionless , in deep thought about all the conspiracy’s going on around me. Holding my 3 month old son as he’s crying , I don’t even notice. My wife goes in the bedroom crying. I go in after her See her crying going through the photo album. It just hit me I’m sick. Healing soon followed . Kinda like an aw haw moment.
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See her crying going through the photo album. It just hit me I’m sick. Healing soon followed . Kinda like an aw haw moment.
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I was playing my piano and thinking of offing myself…
My then 5 year old daughter walked up to me and said, "That sounds pretty Daddy’.
I looked deep into her eyes and swore I’d never do anything stupid. It really was a powerful moment, and became in a way the catalyst for change in my life.
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Yes, yesterday…I recently been hospitalized twice for lower back pain and pinched nerves to the point they had to give me Dilaudid and Fenatyl, and at times could barely walk without pain…I havent taken pain meds in about 2 weeks…I’ll post only parts as what I sent my Dad yesterday reveals names and places:
"Walking across the bridge over the river there was a work glove on the ground, not flat but like a human hand backhand down and index finger curled like beckoning to come hither…I never saw a work glove like that on the ground before, they are always flat…
Then I walk on in a daze and some man I know picks me up and takes me 3 miles but he has a doctors appointment so drops me off with 4 miles left…usually that last 4 miles kills me… and its getting hot… and I’m sweating…
So I get up first hill and find a leather sandal on side of road…its a Budweiser sandal but in good condition…I pick it up and say “Lets see if we can find your mate” I walk with it awhile and at a signpost I say “Looks like you don’t have a mate…just like me.” I place sandal in road as if its walking in my direction…I walk maybe 50 more feet and lo and behold there is other sandal! In the grass on edge of road just like the first one!
I immediately RAN back and picked up the other one, and walked to get the 2nd one and said “She was just a little further up the road” Which then I immediately took as a sign !
…
Finally I get home…no pain…and this is very odd…I try some stretching…can arch back like I was a kid…I touched my toes with my fingertips, legs strait, no problem…Then with my fists closed…that was hard for me in my 20s! Did some abdominal twists…then touched toes with closed fists again, strait legged…no pain, nothing in leg…
I just got up and did the closed first toe touch 5 more times…nothing in back at all…i took no meds of any kind today not even ibuprofen…
Then did 20 closed fist toe touches and hurt my toes, LOL
Lots of signs, I do not think are coincidence, and I put in 7 miles over hills all total…honestly that was the most beautiful and powerful walk back I ever had here and I thank God that guy had to drop me off where he did or I would have missed a lot of this…
Back is still not sore 36 hours later. At first i thought the signs pointed in one direction, but then my Dad and I discovered something last night that would blow anyones socks off that knew me, us…all of us.
Today is September 14, 2016
“September (from Latin septem, “seven”) or mensis September was originally the seventh of ten months on the ancient Roman calendar”
14 divided by 2 = 7 … sept 14 = 777
It’s Time…
Those 2 fingers almost look like an 11…Fascinating.
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When they strapped me up in the straight jacket put me in the padded room and put a haldol needle in my backside I was like hell naw am I letting this happen to me again!?
And the time I connected with nature really well was a moment of clarity…
There was a day I stopped trying to get back to a healthy state of mind in the past and I had a moment of clarity that my perception is of a overactive imagination.