one of the thngs they say is that schizophrenics might not have awareness of theyre condition. i often fall into thinking that the voices im hearing are real and then id dawns on me its my brain thats wired wrong its MY HEAD thats messed up.
The first year I got diagnosed I thought the only wrong wrong with me is that I was perfect. Doesn’t make any sense, right? But that’s what I thought. And I was living in a house for schizophrenics at the time.
oh when i first got my diagnosis i was “looking for a cure” for ages i thought CBT was going to “fix me” well thats what it said on wikipedia shame its utter rubbish .
I always kinda thought something was wrong with me, I just didn’t think it was Sz.
My hospital Pdoc explained it to me in a way that made me say, “oh ok, that sounds just like me”.
I know I have the diagnosis but i do struggle very much to accept it. Was diagnosed four years ago, and in remission ever since.
I think that a lot. I do look at my meds and think, but I’m doing so well… I don’t need these anymore.
I do need them and I do take them, but there is a few moments of hesitation and internal chatter. Before when I felt horrid, it was easy to take them. I am feeling horrid and freaking out,… yes, i need the meds.
But after 4 months of feeling really well, it gets a bit harder. “Why am I still taking this, I’m obviously Ok.” But no way… sneaky brained thinking.
Yes, I’m mentally ill, but I’m not crazy…
I think my son probably feels like this. To a certain extent he can acknowledge he has schizophrenia but it is ok that he does have it. I don’t disagree. His body just needs a little help so that he is not being controlled by symptoms so that he can be the beautiful person that I think he is. That you all are.
I got help with my hesitation a few weeks ago. I was telling my Dad just how hard it was lately to keep taking my meds and at what point can I stop?
My Dad has had a one major heart attack and a few minor heart problems. My Dad does exercise, avoid stress and fatty food, he is trim and fit. He tells me that to this day he still struggles with taking his heart meds.
He said he’ll go months with a heavy cardio work-out and have just as much energy as he did when he was “healthy” and he’ll think… why am I taking heart meds now? My heart is healed. So he’ll miss a dose and the next day he’ll feel low energy and have a slight pain in his chest… so it’s not just me.
That did sort of make me feel better to think that we all hate taking meds. We all question it once in a while. We all need a little extra to keep living.
I still look at these pills sitting next to my breakfast right now, and I sigh, and cringe. But I take them. On time and on course.
@SurprisedJ, i feel like this sometimes. Just today i was thinking, “why am i taking these pills every day after dinner?”. But every time i start thinking that way i know it’s a slippery slope of “sneaky brained thinking” as you put it. My partner reminds me how much i need that medication and how i become another person with out it.
the meds arent ideal when i tried to withdraw from them i realisedm how much i need them.
my delusions are very real and sometimes we just get lost in them i guess. ty everyonex
It’s good to hear that you are a person who has schizophrenia and not a schizophrenic. I think there’s a difference- people who have schizophrenia are aware of themselves and keep themselves in check- schizophrenics lack awareness and hallucinations and delusions guide their behavior. That’s my little inside piece of advice about living with a diagnosis. There are two roads to take after being diagnosed- you remain a schizophrenic or become a person who has schizophrenia.
Basically, you have schizophrenia under control or schizophrenia controls you.
I go through phases of acceptance. At first I thought they changed the definition of sz/sza to cover my experiences (so I would dismiss my own ‘discoveries’ and experiences as crazy.). Then, when not as symptomatic, I think I’m either all better or that my symptoms weren’t as bad as they really were.
Then, there’s moments when I do accept my DX. Though at that time I feel like it’s just me and my doctors who agree with my DX. My wife definitely believes I’m bipolar, but I guess has a hard time believing in the sz part (probably because she doesn’t see things or know what the paranoia feels like.)
Then there are these 2 second moments where I get a really clear head and think “Dude, I really haven’t worked in 2 years?! Wtf happened to my life?!” Like I suddenly see my life how it really is and the bigger picture. But that hyper realization only lasts for a couple seconds and only happens every few days.