I’ve had so many people interject that they think I was misdiagnosed or that I don’t have schizophrenia. They assume that everyone with schizophrenia has no insight or is delusional when they are on medication. It frustrated and upset me because I’ve worked a lot and come a long way to overcome my delusions and hallucinations. I just got done telling someone that, and they responded with “Yeah I think you have aspergers because you seem genuinely heart-felt and that you make mistakes due to being naive or not understanding people”. I am not dealing with that kind of problem. I also have ADHD which means I have trouble remembering and focusing, and I take Abilify which is why she thought I had Aspergers. But, It’s just upsetting you know?
It makes me paranoid and question whether I’m getting the right treatment. But I have a very good psychiatrist who I’ve been seeing for over a year, and she is 100 percent certain I have schizoaffective, which is in between Bipolar and Schizophrenia, where people with schizoaffective have a more treatable condition. At least that’s what she told me. She also said since I have high insight and have been on medication for so long, seeing my symptoms improve, that I do not have neurodegenerative schizophrenia. That’s because I overcome it! I tackled it head on, I got lots of therapy to deal with delusions and taught myself coping mechanisms and talked myself out of them. I have a very supportive family.
My brother , mom, and dad have all been there for me. Even when my mom’s delusional she has been there for me in her own way, as much as she can. It just upsets me that no one but like 2 people understand how far I’ve come from being sick. It makes me feel like no one gets me. I don’t want people to debase how much I’ve struggled. I know his mom was just stating her opinion and trying to be nice, but just because my schizophrenia is not like someone else’s doesn’t mean I don’t have it. You know? Schizophrenia is on a spectrum just like other illnesses, which means it is treatable. There are also common elements which means although it is genetic sometimes, that doesn’t take away from the effectiveness of certain medications. Medications ARE effective at eliminating symptoms and DO help a person fully recover.
That’s why if you have a history of schizophrenia, and you need medication it should be available. Granted the medication should be tested and safe, but it’s needed in a lot of cases, and a lot of people can’t get it. That’s why homeless people fare worse because they have trouble getting quality service and affordable medication. I have had serious parnanoid delusions, hallucinations (hearing voices) and episodes. I’m never violent, and the reason I’m never violent is because when schizophrenia started happening, I made a pact with myself that I would become a pacifist, (never harm a human being) so that I wouldn’t risk being violent even if I was hearing voices etc. Oddly enough, just making that pact with myself prevented me from hearing voices that commanded me to hurt people. While schizophrenia is real, you can overcome delusions through therapy and learning to self-advocate. I also had severe memory distortions after a few episodes, but as soon as I took Abilify regularly, the psychosis went away–and since I was determined to recover I was able to gradually piece my life story back together.
Psychosis is no joke, it’s a lot more serious than people understand. It’s a horrible disease because it’s like your mind is taken on a roller coaster that you can’t get off of, and there’s no way down. You just keep going up and up, but unlike mania you never crash. And you’re just waiting for the ride to end, by the time you reach the top you’re just not afraid anymore. That’s what it feels like. I researched so much about schizophrenia too that I’m educated about its causes. The medication supplies the chemical action I need that my brain isn’t capable of performing on its own.
It’s as simple as that. But, there are still other symptoms to manage, that’s why everyone with schizophrenia needs to start taking control of their lives. Start facing the delusions and fact checking with the world around them. You need to develop a rational mind after schizophrenia. It seems hard but it can be done. If you feel like medication stifles your creativity, that’s a small compromise compared to not being able to do anything at all because you’re stuck on repeat.