Schizophrenia.com

People Thinking I Don't have Schizophrenia upsets me

#1

I’ve had so many people interject that they think I was misdiagnosed or that I don’t have schizophrenia. They assume that everyone with schizophrenia has no insight or is delusional when they are on medication. It frustrated and upset me because I’ve worked a lot and come a long way to overcome my delusions and hallucinations. I just got done telling someone that, and they responded with “Yeah I think you have aspergers because you seem genuinely heart-felt and that you make mistakes due to being naive or not understanding people”. I am not dealing with that kind of problem. I also have ADHD which means I have trouble remembering and focusing, and I take Abilify which is why she thought I had Aspergers. But, It’s just upsetting you know?

It makes me paranoid and question whether I’m getting the right treatment. But I have a very good psychiatrist who I’ve been seeing for over a year, and she is 100 percent certain I have schizoaffective, which is in between Bipolar and Schizophrenia, where people with schizoaffective have a more treatable condition. At least that’s what she told me. She also said since I have high insight and have been on medication for so long, seeing my symptoms improve, that I do not have neurodegenerative schizophrenia. That’s because I overcome it! I tackled it head on, I got lots of therapy to deal with delusions and taught myself coping mechanisms and talked myself out of them. I have a very supportive family.

My brother , mom, and dad have all been there for me. Even when my mom’s delusional she has been there for me in her own way, as much as she can. It just upsets me that no one but like 2 people understand how far I’ve come from being sick. It makes me feel like no one gets me. I don’t want people to debase how much I’ve struggled. I know his mom was just stating her opinion and trying to be nice, but just because my schizophrenia is not like someone else’s doesn’t mean I don’t have it. You know? Schizophrenia is on a spectrum just like other illnesses, which means it is treatable. There are also common elements which means although it is genetic sometimes, that doesn’t take away from the effectiveness of certain medications. Medications ARE effective at eliminating symptoms and DO help a person fully recover.

That’s why if you have a history of schizophrenia, and you need medication it should be available. Granted the medication should be tested and safe, but it’s needed in a lot of cases, and a lot of people can’t get it. That’s why homeless people fare worse because they have trouble getting quality service and affordable medication. I have had serious parnanoid delusions, hallucinations (hearing voices) and episodes. I’m never violent, and the reason I’m never violent is because when schizophrenia started happening, I made a pact with myself that I would become a pacifist, (never harm a human being) so that I wouldn’t risk being violent even if I was hearing voices etc. Oddly enough, just making that pact with myself prevented me from hearing voices that commanded me to hurt people. While schizophrenia is real, you can overcome delusions through therapy and learning to self-advocate. I also had severe memory distortions after a few episodes, but as soon as I took Abilify regularly, the psychosis went away–and since I was determined to recover I was able to gradually piece my life story back together.

Psychosis is no joke, it’s a lot more serious than people understand. It’s a horrible disease because it’s like your mind is taken on a roller coaster that you can’t get off of, and there’s no way down. You just keep going up and up, but unlike mania you never crash. And you’re just waiting for the ride to end, by the time you reach the top you’re just not afraid anymore. That’s what it feels like. I researched so much about schizophrenia too that I’m educated about its causes. The medication supplies the chemical action I need that my brain isn’t capable of performing on its own.

It’s as simple as that. But, there are still other symptoms to manage, that’s why everyone with schizophrenia needs to start taking control of their lives. Start facing the delusions and fact checking with the world around them. You need to develop a rational mind after schizophrenia. It seems hard but it can be done. If you feel like medication stifles your creativity, that’s a small compromise compared to not being able to do anything at all because you’re stuck on repeat.

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#2

Interesting. Well written.

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#3

what youre taking about is exactly what my psychologist tells me i am doing- taking advantage of neuroplasticity, rewiring the “faulty wiring” of the diseased brain. Theres a book he told me to read, The Mind and the Brain by Jeffrey Schwartz, about neuroplasticity and how our willpower can heal us. It’s a scientific fact, I am studying psychology and its often referred to the neuropsychosocial feedback loop, the trinity of components to mental disorders.

And I agree, we are often dismissed as just complaining when we are lucky to have a low or nonexistent neurodegenerative component. I often feel disgusted as how we are either dismissed as “special and creative” or labelled as “sick and dangerous”. I know how it hurts to have people act like youre fine when youre not, i never slipped in my high functioning lifestyle throughout my psychosis, except for one drunken night when I got violent. I actually wrote a term paper on the association between substance use and violence in schizophrenics and normal people- the word is that being schizophrenic is like being on a substance; our incidence of violence perfectly matches the likelihood of violence in normal people who are drunk or high.

But my parents understand. there were a few times when my mom just yelled YOUR ■■■■■■■ INSANE at me while i was delusional, but theyve been supportive and pay for my meds and doctors. It can hurt to be a high functioning schizophrenic-- its basically playing the game of life on the highest difficulty. People either make fun of me or they understand me, but whatever, ive been to hell, I have faced challenges they cant even imagine, all before the age of 21.

stay strong

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#4

I don’t change my watch at every clock I see.
What people think of me is none of my business, and their perceptions are not going to change me, nor will I try to change theirs.
I can’t do any more than be who I am, just doing the best I am able.

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#5

I’m just tired of it you know? I want to stop caring about the disease. I’m apathetic ALL the time. I can’t feel emotions anymore, and neither the medication nor the disorder are fixing it. I made a video about my thoughts I might put it on here.

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#6

With Sz, obsession gets you nowhere. The more I thought about it, the tighter the loop.
These days, the only time I allow myself the indulgence of being Sz, is on this site. Otherwise, I’m not allowed to believe I am anything other than me.
I’m tired too. This world just isn’t for me.

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#7

If I could give you 100 likes, I would. This is very well written and this is EXACTLY how many things played out for me. I needed meds AND therapy AND a supportive family. I’m in the process of trying to piece my memory back together. I agree with so much of this post.

congratulations on coming so far, with all that hard work. Keep learning and I hope you can open the eyes of those around you.

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#8

@StarryNight I am dxed with schizoaffective disorder, and just like you many people many in my own family dismiss and deny the schizo part of the disease. I had one doctor a long time ago give me the bipolar diagnosis - and wham! this dx is glued to their souls. They don’t from their own ignorance - see that the majority of doctors and therapists view me as being schizophrenic with some bipolar. Schizoaffective is a strange, in the middle type diagnosis, kind of like being in limbo. In the DSM 5 it falls under the schizophrenia category. Believe me, even psych professionals tend to have a distorted view on what sz is all about. The best you can do is ignore the ignorant, and focus on staying well, that’s what I’m going to do. But remember you are not alone.

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#9

Thanku wave, these forums have helped me find others who relate. It also helps that my boyfriend has it too. So we help each other and understand each other. My boyfriend is really smart though, he has an awesome memory and he can fix a lot of things. He’s really good at mechanics etc. I’m more on the artistic and poetic side.

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#10

Yeah Mortimermouse, before my parents understood the condition as well they would have trouble talking me down from delusions. Like, I would think there was a bomb in the house and my dad would get upset because he couldn’t talk me down from the delusions. I was 17 at the time, and eventually the hospitalized me and got me back on medication. It did help in the long run but it was a struggle for me to accept that i needed meds.

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#11

What upset me is when people tell me that i am very calm person. I don’t talk much or have a energy to the roof, lack of energy is caused by the med i am taking, i don’t tell anyone about my illness and that i am taking medication, even my low doze of risperdal makes me zombi looking. I don’t have SZ related negative symptoms the lack of energy and lack of motivation are caused by my med. sometimes i think that since people don’t look at me ill i am ok with all that comments about being very relaxed or less talkative.

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#12

Wave very well said. My son is Schizoaffective Bipolar. I have found people are cruel and just don’t understand or care enough to try to understand. I do my best to understand what is going on, to the point I understand the illness better than my son, he doesn’t have insight or is still in denial. My hats off to all of you guys.

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#13

My family has been trying to convince me ever since I was diagnosed that I don’t really have sz. It is REALLY infuriating. My sister, brother, and dad. The only people that I really care about accepting my illness. And my Christian friends are very defensive about accepting it.
People don’t understand that sz doesn’t mean I’m wrapped up in a blanket downtown talking to myself or yelling at the lamppost. Annoying as f*ck

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