Do you know what it feels like?

When you feel lonely, but you don’t really want people around.
When you wish you could relax around other people, but you can’t trust anyone.
When you wish you had friends but can’t relate to other people.
When you don’t know what to say but keep trying to make conversation anyway.
What is this thing that keeps me longing for companionship and leaves my heart hurting from isolation, but then causes me to turn away from others approach? What kind of screwed-up psyche longs for something it swears it doesn’t want and literally can’t stand?
I feel it keenly sometimes. Today.
Do you know what it feels like?

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I totally understand.
I sometimes crave other people’s company but am too paranoid to deal with others.

I have a difficult time getting close to others.

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I’ll go the longest time and not feel it. Today it hit me because I had to/tried to talk with coworkers. One of them literally walked away from me. It hurts, but I don’t want to be friends with her. I was trying to make small talk and I hate small talk.

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I feel exactly the same.

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sometimes.

Phil says I talk too much

but I talk a lot online too

I’ve been screamed at by co-workers

I figure it’s their problem if they can’t get along with me

I’m pretty easy actually

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Don’t let it get you stuck in negativity though. I find it hard to talk to people all the time, I do like doing it but it is just hard sometimes. I just do the best I can like I always have.

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I’ve admired you on this forum, @Daze, because you have a gift for putting yourself out there and saying exactly what you think, no matter what. People have to respect that.
I’ve been hiding who I am my entire life. It takes extreme effort to “put myself out there”. If I even know who’s left of me at this point.
Anyway, I think other women particularly sense that, that I’m not being real much of the time. It’s not that I’m lying or trying to be false, but I’m so polite, etc because I’m terrified someone will recognize how messed-up I am, or challenge my one something I say…

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I feel this so bad. Romance too. I crave it and hate the idea at the same time. It literally disgusts me and yet I day dream about it all the time. That’s why all of my friends are online except a couple. I’d love a long distance relationship with someone else with the same issues. That’d be cool.

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that was nice of you to say, thanks.

I’m very open on Facebook and my blog about pd. sz.

Some people have said, Don’t talk to her, she has problems.

I guess you just gotta be willing to take the heat.

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I struggle with that too. I think it’s because I was abused… I’m married now. I love my husband, but it’s a struggle. I make him unhappy too much and I perceive that he makes e unhappy too because he just doesn’t understand…
That’s the thing. We’re social beings by nature, by design, for survival, so we’re driven towards social interaction but then repulsed by how intrusive it is.

Yes, that is what I admire. But, even with my withdrawal, I’ve taken heat. It’s unfair, they’re wrong to be mean and to not even try to understand…
I’m so tired now as I get older. And isn’t it crazy that I just keep trying? Lol.

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