It’s just plain work that I don’t want to do - to stay informed, to have things to talk about. Sometimes being sociable has a natural flow. When it doesn’t, I just want to leave.
I know how you feel, maybe spending time by oneself is not bad idea, if you feel uncomfortable
I’m pretty good in social situations. Fortunately, I have the gift of remembering most every funny situation I’ve ever been in, as well as scores of jokes I’ve heard over the years.
So whenever a topic comes up with co-workers or acquaintances, I’m usually able to get a chuckle out of a related incident I have stored in my memory banks.
I work in an office of about 50 people. I don’t even try to make small talk with anyone anymore. I made a valiant effort my first couple weeks but eventually ran out of steam and have spent the past few years keeping mostly to myself. Often I just don’t know what to say.
have the things ppl want, social connections, money, power.
this is all it boils down to
people will chase you and flock around you
Yeah, people will flock around you until all you want is for them to go away.
you might want them to occasionally entertain you like court jesters
I relate to this completely!
I feel so unwanted. It’s like I’m thinking “When are going to kill me.” or “Why don’t you kill me. Is it because of the law?” I just want to run away.
I feel the same! I’m reminded every day and night constantly about being killed today, or dying today. I live in constant fear, and I feel they enjoy the fear from me.
I work in an office with a few hundred people. I have been there for 13 years. Most of the people are quite nice. And yet I hardly ever speak small talk to any of them. I don’t understand why I can’t talk.
I think you need a persona. I used to think it was fake to try to present myself to the world in a certain way. But now I think its important. I think that you just cant let your persona get bigger than whats inside or it will kill the real you, if that makes any sense
That’s true, @freefee but it’s difficult for me to know my limits. I get bigger than life all the time.
It may be persona. My way of explaining this to myself is that I believe my whole existence is set up. I believe “not talking” is set up by design inside my head and in all my social settings. It must be somewhat intricate.
The design being shaped a lot by our childhood experiences. My father would yell at me if I spoke suddenly and with a shrill voice. And, you know doubt heard “Children should be seen but not heard.” The family I live with now doesn’t believe in that one and the granddaughter is annoyingly loud sometimes.
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