I’m not asocial at all. I talk to people and I really appreciate having people around me. I prefer that over being alone and I don’t feel well when I’m alone.
But it seems people are not interested in me as much as I’m interested in them. They seem indifferent to me.
I’m healthy since 2013. I have met many people at university and at my job since then but I have been unable to make true personal and long lasting friends. I have no friends despite I’m trying to get friends since 4 years. I know a colleague who is from Europe and who is in Canada only since 2 years and he already has a lot of friends here. What is my problem?
The only persons I talk to are my colleagues and people in my family. I’m unable to make my colleagues become friends.
I often go talk to people. I also often send Facebook messages and emails to people I know. But they never do the same to me.
I don’t know if it is all because of the antipsychotic side effects (like not having emotions, not being so chatty). Something must be wrong with me.
For example, after university, I tried to maintain a relationship with my student friends. But they were never interested by doing something and they were almost not replying to my messages.
So after some time, I stopped to do any initiative and I have waited for them to do their part. They never did and afterwards we never talked again.
The same happened with colleagues who left the company.
I don’t know if it’s the nature of this site or the nature of szs, or the nature of the higher functioning szs on this site but I find that the people here a fairly well self absorbed. I think a lot of people are turned off by that.
Also for me I can make friends but I can’t keep them. Partly they are disappointing. But also I think they just get sick of accommodating my peculiarities. I can’t stop the fact that things are just different for me. But other people can’t help the fact that I’m just strange.
Yes but I don’t think there is anything wrong with you other than some residual symptoms perhaps that may be making communication difficult. I learned that if I smile more and make eye contact and listen well people are much more receptive. But I hear your frustration and you know some people like to be the ones who are called or whatever and some just have a knack for initiative such as yourself. My gramma always waits to be called and she’ll only call me if I hole up in my place for a week and don’t talk to anyone. But that’s who she is.
The last time I was in the bin the nurse told me that being social doesn’t mean being the life of the party but he said an attentive ear counts just as much.
At least you’re trying @anubis I guess all I can say is to not get discouraged and to keep trying to make friends.
TBH, I am extremely anti-social these days. I interact a lot with people at work (out of necessity) and I also am friendly with my neighbors, but other than that I hole up at home with my little dog. Looking back, I think it was my severe MDD and anxiety in combination with just not really fitting in and of being very sensitive to rejection that contributed to my defence mechanism of self-isolating.
While I have made peace with my lot in life and am probably too old and set in my ways to change, being socially isolated is probably neither ideal nor healthy in the long run for most people.
I really applaud you for continuing to try to be social and to find a circle of friends. I think your effort will pay off!
And I’m really the kind of person who listens to what others say a lot and who is interested in them. I ask them a lot of questions. When I chat with someone, usually the discussion is all about the other person.
But I don’t talk so much about myself because I feel I’m not interesting. Maybe the others think I’m not entertaining or interesting because of that.
Maybe they would like to hear more about you as they may feel that they opened up to you but perhaps they didn’t know enough about you to lay a good foundation for a lasting friendship. And please Anubis my posts are just my viewpoints and some people just have a shell a mile thick even though it may be somewhat transparent. You seem like a cool person to know from what I’ve seen. You just keep at em!
Yes I’m really trying hard everyday. I try to be the most possible kind with the others and to be interested in them. But it doesn’t seems to make any difference. I don’t know how to have an appealing personality. It seems that just being myself is not enough.
Yeah I think you are right. I have a problem talking about myself because I feel the others will not be interested in what I say. This is why the discussion is always about the other.
I think that the others don’t know enough about me. I always wait for the other to ask me questions but they rarely do. Usually people just wait for their turn to talk about them I feel. I’m not like that at all.
And I’ve heard it said that some folks would rather have 1 good friend than 100 bad ones. I’ve tried to be friends with nearly everyone I’ve met at my previous jobs and such but my problem is I tend to give minimal attention to many rather than focusing on one-if that makes sense?
I’m hashing this out in therapy now so I’m no expert and really I don’t know a darn thing tbf
Try to join a mental health consumer group. I find it easier to start by making friends with other disabled people… I have the same problem so I’d say it’s partly the illness. Keep looking!
Priorities change as you age from 20 all the way to 40. Instead of friends, the focus should be on a spouse, children and family by age 30 onwards. In your 20s, meeting new people and making friends is your goal. However, most of us schizophrenics are usually unmarried and without kids but there are those few with exceptions.
I don’t think I have trouble making friends , I just don’t want close friends that that I actually have to invest in. So I don’t invest time with them and we become distant friends and that’s ok with me. I think a lot of people with sz don’t really want the deep social part of friendship. Friendships can be stressful to me i like the ten minute conversation once a month.
Yeah I agree a lot! When I became sick I was only 23 years old. For the following 12 years, I have been alone because well, I was sick. When I became healthy again, thanks to the medication, I was already 36. Since my social network has been destroyed by the long sickness, I wanted to rebuild it. But people who have my age usually have a family, children and already have their social network since a long time. So they are not interested so much in having one more friend in their life.
Hi there, schizophrenia can make it difficult to form bonds. I myself have had problems making friends. I’m not sure what country your in but I would try a mental illness support group. Not sure if you have nami where you live. You may wanna ask the people if they would like to get together and socialize.
What can you tell me about your work buddies, Anubis? How old are they? Males or females? Single or married?
What do you usually chat about with them, and how they respond?
