I am having a hard time convincing myself of that. I am stuck thinking I don’t need meds and believing that what goes on in my mind is real, plus I am thinking about how my mom said I was an empath and I’m having a hard time believing I’m not special.
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what else would it be, religious?
yeah sort of spiritual or supernatural
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Isnt empath new age stuff? My psychosis is real. My psychiatrist once said she thought I never experienced psychosis. She changed her mind though. I think she was thinking I had a severe personality disorder at the time. I do have paranoia, delusions, fear, anxiety, depression, etc.
You talk about beings a lot. That is a sign of psychosis.
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I still have beliefs in mind control. It’s slowly fading. I barely think about it anymore. It’s probably just psychosis.
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No. Once the beliefs fade one by one they never come back.
It’s been a HUGE shift from “this is all real” to “some of this is real” to “none of this is real.” Once I became woke the harsh reality of the illness and what it meant for the rest of my life hit me hard and I had to deal with the grief for a few months. I’ve had days where I go back down the rabbit hole and try to pretend it’s real, but I know it’s not. I can’t get the joy back I had when I was delusional and that saddens me sometimes.
Now I get my joy from video games or movies. Life is a lot more boring now, and I have triggers to deal with (no more horror movies), but at least I’m not consumed by it anymore. Believing it was all real lasted a couple of years without interruption (and was shortly after I was diagnosed).
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I know my delusions arent/werent real but i dont know if ill ever stop searching for the reality of my experiences. The special moments that fed or created the delusions. I dont believe im christ anymore, i dont believe im on a mission for god anymore, but i do believe there is sonething interesting and significant to be discovered in the experieneces we all have. I believe that maybe the secret to understanding human consciousness and the feeling of god/the supernatural that most people know is in studying the minds of Szs
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Thank you for your replies. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Because even though I have been told multiple times that I am psychotic, I still think my mind is right and trystworthy. I guess I am in denial. But my mind, the beings, what is said to me in my mind, still feels true. I don’t know why I feel that way. Like a matter of faith just don’t stop believing in what happens in my mind. I’m even starting to feel that way about my OCD. There’s something special about my mind and I need to trust it. At least I can think and talk about other things now. It’s harder when I am alone.
A lot of times I try to believe I’m not sick. Then something gets triggered, symptoms develop and in that moment I know I’m not ok.
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Yes. I think my so called delusions are really just religion and religious enlightenment.
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Sometimes I don’t feel okay. I feel chaotic sometimes. It’s just hard to believe that it’s because of an illness.
Do people say you act differently on meds vs off meds? Do the meds help you sleep or with anxiety and take away positive symptoms?
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Yeah I get that. It feels like you’re special and that’s the reason, not an illness.
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Part of me still clings to old ideations… The beliefs that faded enough I’m able to keep an open mind to either state. I won’t state unequivocally that they are not real as they could be. But I try to stick to an evidence basis. It’s hard for some things when you hear people talking around you and your mind twists their voices to say what you don’t want to hear/know.
But it would’ve been impossible to tell me that half the stuff I believed wasn’t true, when I wasn’t being treated. At least now I’m open to the possibility that my perception/interpretation of events is flawed.
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Yeah. My mom said I am doing better. The meds definitely help me sleep. And I can think about things other than the beings. I can have real conversations now. This should suggest to me, I imagine, that I have an illness. But I just don’t think so. I don’t know why this is so hard. It seems so obvious but also so does me being special.
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I am happy for you. If you are open to your ideas being flawed then I guess they could be flawed. It must mean you are doing well. I feel like everyone else needs meds but I don’t, because I’m special not sick.
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I still think the hallucinations are angels, but I didn’t want to hear voices in my head, so I pursued alternative treatments (supplements) that healed my brain and shut them off 99.9% during the day. I still hear them when I’m half-asleep, but it’s getting quieter over time.
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I understand not wanting to hear them. I don’t want to hear mine either, which is why I’m scared that they’re breaking the wall in my mind which stops them from being able to induce complex hallucinations. I am so glad things are quieter for you, that’s awesome to hear.
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I want stability in my mind, but I also want the truth. It feels like a lie denying these things.
Heal your brain, and you’ll find the life you’re supposed to be living.
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