I don’t know, but I get the definite feeling like everyone at my dinner table at the assisted living facility where I live, hates my guts. They can barely hold back their negative feelings and statements about me to my face. I don’t say or do anything to provoke them. I even lead the dinner prayer for the whole room before dinner. Even this does not sway them to have positive feelings toward me. One woman who sits next to me told me that I have a sarcastic laugh. She asked me if it was a real laugh. I told her that of course it was my real laugh. She said it just didn’t sound like a real laugh, she said it sounded sarcastic. I said it is hard for me to laugh and smile sometimes. She asked me why. I said because a lot of times, I didn’t feel like there was anything to laugh or smile about. She said that in my prayer, I expressed gratitude for all my friends and family that I loved so much. I said that that prayer was for the people in the assisted living center and not for me. I told her that you guys have friends and family who love you. I told her that I don’t. She didn’t volunteer to tell me that she was my friend, even though we have had conversations. She had nothing to say after that.
The problem is that my pdoc does not believe that people really hate me. He says that I am one of the nicest people he knows and that there is no reason in the world for me to have enemies. I have a hard time explaining to him that people really do hate me. And for absolutely no reason too.
The good thing is that I don’t let all of this get me down too much. Because I know one person who not only loves me but absolutely adores me and that person is God.
I sometimes think I am the target of FBI or CIA harassment, like everyone ganging up on me. I don’t really think that must be the case, then people would just kill me- can’t be.
Now I do notice that my friends are basically gone doing their things, they seem to avoid me. I dont really care, life was easier when I was up in another state with no friends and no ties. I guess I just prefer being alone…I noticed this past weekend I skipped a party and watched a movie on my own…maybe I am going back to typical schizophrenic lifestyle. I just hope the government doesn’t poison my cat.
I dunno, it is just feels like people avoid and discriminate against me…that was what my thesis in school was about. It was about a therapeutic intervention for psychiatric labeling stigma. It said people suck. Dark side of psychology–> most research does not speak well of humanity.
Well well well, a hermit in a shell. With a soul to sell, and he’s been to hell.
I go to church too, I am Catholic, and like a typical Catholic, lost my faith for about a decade. I think staying home is good for me when I am scattered, I have been causing ■■■■ with myself and others or letting others cause ■■■■ with me for a long time. Last time I just went into isolation was very good. I need it again…but yeah, I like to visit with family.
The typical SCZ just chilling at home writing and reading with a cat. I like this cat- he is snuggled up to my leg right now. I think he knows I am his father.
The only people that are going to show up at my funeral are my brother and the women at my Legion of Mary meeting. There are 6 of them, not including me. But the only reason why they will be there is because they are required to be there according to the groups bylaws. Otherwise they would not show up, I assure you. Oh, I suppose all my little nieces and nephews will be there too.
There is such a thing in ‘real life’ as people being mean and hateful. I don’t mean to encourage a delusion but people can be mean. It’s just a fact and sometimes they target the nice one. The easy prey. The easy kill. When you begin to try and avoid the negative behavior, you are now seen as anti-social and targeted even more. This cycle can really happen. May not be the case with you. Perhaps you are just paranoid. I am just saying that it isn’t always paranoia.
Funny thing about my delusion is that I believe I am being monitored and watched by the whole world and deliberately stressed out for science. I am even afraid of being tortured for science. I think my entire world is staged for the purpose of making me think it is the ‘real world’ but it’s actually the fake world. BUT, despite all this pain and fear…I think, in the real world (that I am not allowed to see) the whole world loves me and adores me. I am simply suffering all of this pain is for science and to help the world. I am paranoid and scared shytless but I think the world loves me. Go figure.
i used to feel that way… feeling that people avoid talking to me because i have strange ideas about the world and reality so i dont always make sense in the things i do or say. but just recently my aunt who is sort of like my best friend started talking to me again after years. i’m watching what i say cos i dont want her to ignore me again.
Imma just say this… Everybody can’t hate one person due to the duality of life. But i can say there is people who don’t really care about me. Not people i don’t know but people i have known for a while. Family former friends… former friends mother’s.x’s etc. But what gets me is being the nice guy you’re always been. The people who use to not like me is starting to realize the typetof person i am. I didn’t do anything wrong to these people but it was how i carried myself. Now my old friend’s mother is super hostile towards me but. … its a long story. Now I’m getting back into things political side of town and she can’t say much since the alderman has my number. She hates me now because i don’t mess with her son
I know how it feels when everyone at your job dislikes you. I know how it feels to deal with it. To deal with people talking about you behind your back and in your face. Its hard and it hurts but it made me stronger. It made me realize alot. The whole f society because of a sz stigma…yea don’t tell anyone about yourself. just act normal
i know my in laws hate me, i live with them and my partner. they only see me as a way to get their trash taken out everyday and the only person that picks up their dogs poop. they recently got a guinea pig and i am the only one who knows anything about them so they ask me a lot of questions then pass it off as their own information.
today my partner got her state in come tax refund and they are going out shopping but i’m not allowed to go for some reason.
