Do you ever remember being normal?

I had a normal childhood but I was a very nervous child. Kept to myself.

Then when I was 13 I started getting panic attacks.

Shortly afterwards started hearing voices every now and then

At 16 my moods began to swing.

At 18 had my first breakdown of sza. Started self harming and moods were severe and had delusions that evil spirits were trying to infiltrate my mind.

At 22 went into remission and a year later came off my meds.

Was relatively normal for five years but looking back I had residual symptoms. Was also abnormally religious

At 27 it all came back. The depression and hypomania. Then the paranoia and delusions, then self harm and voices.

Now I’m 36 and never been normal since I was 13. 23 years of mental illness.

So I guess I forget what normal was like. Either been too high or too low.


When your other symptoms started?

Nope, I was always different. It’s okay to be different :blush:

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What I remember of the time before I got sz is feeling so much more relaxed than I do now. Life was so easy. When I became 15 was when it all started to go wrong.

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They started at the same time.

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That’s interesting because all my life I’ve had mono perception. No depth perception. It makes driving difficult. So, I don’t know the difference.
I remember not questioning my normalcy as a child. My nervousness went unnoticed. When I started to grow up, I noticed myself more and listened to critics. The result was withdrawal and feelings of inferiority.

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What do you mean? I always had strabismus and can’t see 3D. My eyes can’t look at the same direction at the same time. I read it greatly reduces depth perception but I am still able to drive while being vigilant.

I mean seeing with one eye at a time and hearing with one ear at a time. That’s my own wording, not that of a doctor.

My eyes are like that, my dr refused to do surgery so I have to find a new Dr. Since getting sz I find it less important than sz as I never go out of my house and it will cost me a lot of money:


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I was normal up to 38. Good and bad. Good because I already had one career completed and income for life with insurance and all that stuff.

But bad because I can remember being normal and it felt great. I really miss the feeling.

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No, I don’t remember being a medical model psychiatrist in any of my lives. Probably was convinced to take drugs in some of them, I clearly don’t remember the shower scene in sociopath, well I kind of recall it now we have one in the “white” house.

Wallace freaked when I told him I wanted a Cuban intelligence agent, but he gave me a hug at Manesh’s leaving do. He never answer’s my texts anymore. Just told his best friend to get a life. He said he kept getting approached by lady’s asking him out, he sounded mythed. Good NHS beaurocrat though and we used to play Doctor Who back in primary school while all the girls were playing fairies. I must have been five. My teacher quit. Ms Clements. Bit sad to have lost a friend. What really was the last straw for me with Wallace was him telling me that my girlfriend was “no good for me”. I hope he and Chrissie are still working for the Caribbean besides his little folk project. Love ya infaitah.

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