I have trouble identifying who I am as part of the illness I suppose
What Iāve noticed is I think about my symptoms a lot more when Iām using this board.
When Iām off it theyāre still there but I donāt identify them as present so much
I only heard voices when I stopped my meds tho or before I took meds. So I reckon if I heard em non stop itād be more obvious that I have the illness regardless of where I am posting or not
I feel like itās part of me
Iāve always been a bit off
I struggled at first with the concept of being wrong in the brain when I am my brainā¦
To write of my experiences what Iāve done what Iāve said
All this stuff that happened
I canāt deny it, I canāt give it a name
I canāt other it
I do feel like I am Jeckel and Hyde really⦠I know itās not split personality but it feels very one or the other
Hiding a beast inside me
I was obsessed with my illness and itās symptoms my whole adult life. Now that the positives and mood symptoms are greatly lessened, I can relax and focus on other, normal things.
I think the answer for me is probably ābothā to both of your poll questions. So I didnāt vote. Itās an external illness but there are also many parts of it that are internal to me and that have probably always been there and arenāt really symptoms of an illness at all. Without getting too specific. And Iāve had symptoms of some kind all my life but not actual psychosis until early adulthood.
Because even if I seem to recover, thereās no guarantee that it will ever be gone, plus I need to manage my stress levels all the time. Cos of it. So it is always present in that respect like a ghost. Haunting me.