Hello guys,
I do not understand, shall I trust my parents or not at all. My doctors told me (both psychiatrist and psychotherapist), that they are actually very toxic because of physical and mental abuse they used on me. I know, that there are people who still believe- that for example physical abuse is a “norm”.
I am lost. My parents did bad things to me - I actually need to say, that my psychoterapist made a conclusion, that my father even sexually abused me- and this is something he denies. Actually, I don’t know whom to trust, because there is an opinion in society that all the psychiatry and psychology thing is only to “lie and get your money”. (this is what my parents also say.)
I am fully grown up woman, yet I am here to say that I am very lost, probably because (I belive so) I have even borderline personality disorder, and of course because I have schizo-phrenia/affective, that’s why I am here. (and the whole thing, to whom should I believe- my parents or my doctors.)
Not much to say but yes parents can be toxic
I would like to believe that they ‘did the best they could’ however…
And it’d be one thing to believe that it’s just something people are putting in your head.
Because we’d like to believe that it’s just some money making scheme; and doesn’t everyone have an agenda?
But it’s actually true.
It’s a problem if you try to confront the parents because they are going to deny there is a problem. I mean, no one really wants to feel like ‘the bad guy’.
I think the purpose though is to get us in touch with how we really feel about our childhood and how it’s affected us as adults.
It’s process of grief too… And from what I’ve learned? This is part of the process: to want to deny that any pain was caused.
Neglect really hurts and it hurts to feel isolated and disconnected from our parents and see them in a different light. It’s much easier to just go with them and what they do and pretend that it’s just us.
But yeah, I tend to want to feel that way about it just being me or something people are ‘putting in your head’.
It’s just a way to resist the grief.
I’m still in a bit of a state of shock right now and feeling like I wish I would’ve known when I was like 15 or so.
Parents can definetly be toxic. Im lucky in my parents being supportive. My mom can be toxic though when she drinks. She calls me fat and tells me what “i need to do”. “You knkw what you need to do…cook dinner, do things in 30 minute spurts, exercise, quit drinking coffee…” She always thinks she has the answer to make me feel better.
I think therapists can be good if you find the right one. That being said, there are some terrible therapists out there. Mine, i saw for a year, was awful. He constantly talked about himself and 50s music. Nothing that was helpful to me. Im seeing a new therapist now and she is great. She lets me talk and asks questions and interjects when needed. It made a huge difference for me to meet a good therapist.
Parents definitely can be toxic.
Yes, people can definitely be toxic. Especially parents. My father was sexually abusive to me throughout my childhood. And physically and emotionally abusive as well. And my mother was a doormat and let it all happen.
I carried a lot of very intense anger, like rage, for a very long time. I’m over it now. Both my parents are now dead. That helped.
@anon8411913
same here, mine situation is very similar to yours… sorry to hear, I know it hurts.
Yes. My parents were extremely toxic when I was growing up.
If you have no memory of your dad abusing you, I think it’s unfair to assume it happened. Maybe something did, maybe it didn’t. But I don’t like when counselors jump to conclusions like that without any proof
I agree with you. Only question which sometimes pimps to my head is like “is psychoterapy real”? Because, how my parents bombard my brain is like “You know, we are not bad at all, look, there are murderers, wars, way worse people than us, and the physical abuse you had, it happens for almost everyone”. That’s how ■■■■■■ up they think, I know, but it still makes me question everything… “maybe actually, lots of families are similar to mine?” “Maybe therapist is lying to me, to make me angry on my family”. But it happens not often (these thoughts), yet still happens.
I remember everything… Simply, I dont know how to react to it. He punched me once to my face, reaally strongly… but in my country there are many families like that. I know it’s sad, but its kind of norm in my country.
This is what I’m referring to. You made it sound like you had no memory of sex abuse but your counselor says it happened.
In regards to beating you, I’m so sorry you went through that. I was beaten and neglected growing up too. It’s awful.
ohh! sorry for misuderstanding. Well, when he was drunk he had put his hand in my place between legs, and then I said “Im not my mom” and he said like “Oh, I thought it’s mom’!” And he went sleep soon. It happened twice. I was trying to explain for myself it, “maybe he actually confused us?” But my therapist said it’s really impossible, no matter how drunk he was.
Another time he was… not even drunk when he put his hand here, and after that he said “So now you gonna tell everyone that I am not only physically abuse you, but also sexually, yes?” This time I was at psychosis…
And really, really sorry to hear that bad things happened to you…
I’m so sorry you went through that. That is indeed sexual abuse.
Physical and sexual abuse was my norm, but it is not normal. I was very surprised when I learned that the other kids’ homes weren’t like mine. I just assumed that everyone got raped by parents and it simply wasn’t talked about. If your parents have physically or sexually abused you then you need to get out of there as soon as you can for your own well-being.
What country are you from?
My dad was very toxic and abusive.
My mom was an angel and did a good job as a single mother raising me and my older brother.
My parents aren’t perfect but they did the best they could. I don’t hold a grudge. Sometimes sh1t happens anyway.
I remember when I was an adolescent there was a pop psychology vogue that blamed toxic mothers for causing all the teen anguish of the time. Looking back on it, this trend was very unfair and downright nasty. Both my parents did the best they could. Nobody is perfect, including parents.
My mom was unintentionally toxic. She was bipolar, but looking back I believe she was just.like me with sza bipolar type. I remember her telling me she heard things and then she had a psychotic break and when she “came to” she was stuck in 1972.
It was wild because she didn’t have me until 1975. That was hard to go through and deal with for a few years until her memory came back.
She didn’t raise me, just popped in when she wanted to play mom and show me off to friends.