I thought about this and what I am doing is trying to compete with the so called normal, holy people and I fail everytime try to do something.
I know that I am not normal and mentally ill and have limitations. Can I just accept the imperfections and move as much as I could and not worry about it
And do I need to look me through eyes of others always to make sure that I am not messing up? Or just look into myself instead more deeply to correct myself.
I think life is not a competition but a harmonious environment,
And about self development I think you always have the final say, but I personally find it’s good to consider other people’s opinions, I think it’s a sign of humility
Which is good, imo
You are talking like a philosopher… 
Do whatever is healthiest for you
Sometimes I do not know what is healthy to me. Am I stressing myself too much. Do I really need to think about this or do something else? That confusion is making me do some weird things Lol…
I like to think about stuff that makes a net improvement to my state of being. At least that’s my hope
What are you competing for?
What is the prize or victory
I feel it’s too late for everything. I am 40 now. I lost 39 years of life due to lot of unsorted issues. Unprecedentedly I became well recently. I am still looking for some inspiration that could drive me to find something.
I don’t know maybe find purpose or story in my life just like any tom dick or harry and prize is die peacefully that I have done something good in life.
40 is still young. I’m 35 turning 36 this year, also not a baby anymore
I know it’s not the youngest of ages but there’s still potential in you, if you believe in it 
I feel time is getting more precious now cos 35 is half of 70.
I am 53 and still motivated to continue my life’s story. If I’m on my last chapter then I still think my life is a good read for myself. I actually like the chapter I’m on now.
I lost belief in me most of the times as I would falter even if I try to think. It’s highly messed up and almost on verge of ending life everytime something really bad happens and was not able to help myself or get help as well.
It was such a silly little thing that caused all the issues. I could come over only at 39. I feel ashamed to tell it and also it’s kind of a cruelty that was done to me when I was a child. And even if I explain no one will believe it.
I had a hunch about it all the time and could not verify if I fix things will sort and when I fixed I could see the difference in me. So it is that thing. Anyways I believe in myself now that I can fight this but need little support.
Yes I think you can do it, despite the challenges of the past. 
It’s good to give it a good shot. We are here for you if you feel you need some support in an experience
That’s much appreciated .
I will be here to cry vent laugh scream party that I missed or might be missing in real life. 
Compete? No.
Self improve? Yes
The problem that I face is there are certain people who are close relations to me and my family. They are very particular to destroy us mentally and physically without they trying to do something explicit but by proving that they are better than us at any stage. And removing some of the support that we could get financially or emotionally.
In fact they were able to achieve this or feel happy or kind of satisfied about things that happened to members of my family - my father and grand father died of natural cause but before they are suppose to die, my mom is kind of mentally ill and now she has cancer, my brother went through tough times but not talking to me and my mom for last 5 years, I became severely disabled for long time and it affected my relationships and career.
This makes me think why are they so cruel to us. Is it just them if so why they are able to achieve inflicting bad to us. The world suppose to not accept such things. I believe we do not deserve to be treated the way they treated us. Other relatives have been kind to us. Yet we suffered a lot. Still we are. Getting tired of finding a.way to come out of this mess they created for us.
I agree with broski @anon4126574 , i can’t and wont compete but i can improve myself to a level im happy with myself
Yea trying to very hard. Just thought this either I improve genuinely or or at least pass the message that beware of certain evil that people still do that can harm us though we are good and believe in all possible saving graces.
Getting help from police, lawyers, counsellors or politicians may not be feasible for people who do not have money or any links to them before.
Yea people can be mean man. Especially to people who are poor.
