Hi guys! I apologize if my English is going to be bad. So I am 21 and 3 years ago I found out that my sister is suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. After I found out I started to be obsessed with it and scared I might get it too. This anxiety/obsession lasted for a year. Will get back to this story later.
So, recently, I had anxiety over other stuff like losing my partner and then horror stuff like ghosts , demons, stalkers (I know it sounds crazy and I don’t really believe in supernatural but I started listening on YouTube to real stories by people who claimed the stories were real so yeah. I had to sleep with the lights on the past two months and even so I didn’t stop listening to the stories because I only got scared and paranoid at night). I’m kind of over this last fear I talked about and I’m going to start talking about the fear of schizophrenia that has just started again.
So one day last week I was half asleep and I was woken up by a loud whisper. I didn’t think much of it even if it freaked me out and thought it was just a hypnopompic hallucination. I soon forgot about it but the next evening I was doing the dishes and all of a sudden I heard that loud whisper again. It didn’t say anything I could underdtsnd tho. That’s when I started freaking out and being scared of schizophrenia again.
But then again I forgot about it until the next evening when my partner was at the PC and I was in bed and I suddenly started hearing a guitar playing. I asked him if he heard it but said hecl couldn’t hear anything. He had his earphones on but he was not listening to anything. I was still kind of hearing it but when I got up from bed the sound was gone.
That’s when the fear started for real. I started to question everything I heard. One day I had to go out and check if the neighbour was actually playing the piano and I am pretty sure he was. I could hear it loud as I got close to his window and even took a recording to make sure it was real. I started feeling depressed and anxious at the same time and super physically sick because of it. I think my ears started to transform every sound I heard in a whisper or in my name being whispered. A few days ago I started hearing a small whisper (I think it’s coming from my ears so it’s not my own thought) but I’m not sure if it’s saying “■■■■” or niece’s nickname. I can only hear the last half of the word. I sometimes hear whispers saying my name, birds singing or sounds similar to the ones that appear in tinnitus (check it out on the internet if you don’t know what it is).
Yesterday I was looking at an ex-best friend’s photo and I heard a thought in my head saying “ugly”. It was a low neutral voice in my head.
My mood also changes. I usually feel happy at night and in the morning (even if sometimes I feel like I hear weird sounds I don’t care) and get depressed and anxious during the day.
Right now I’m feeling anxious/depressed combined with extremely happy. I’ve always had moods when i feel so happy that I could explode and get depressed by something or just randomly emotional.
My partner is working at the moment and I haven’t found a job yet and I don’t have any friends where I live. Sometimes I feel bad because I’m alone and depressed and anxious but at the same time I feel like I want to be left alone and I feel like I need to force myself to talk. Sometimes I feel distracted by that " ■■■■" or whatever it says from my head too or by other sounds that I don’t know if they are actually there or not. My sleep is pretty bad also but I’m not suffering from insomnia.
The symptoms I had back in 2013:
Hypnopomic hallucinations, whispers saying my name (like I was sitting at my PC and and I think my brain was transforming the sounds from my PC into whispers because I stopped hearing them when the fear was gone), birds singing that idk if they were other sounds transformed or hallucinations, general anxiety and hearing random thoughts in my head when I was really tired.
I am really scared that I t start hearing negative voices. What do you guys suggest I should do? I don’t wanna lose it and ruin my partner’s life.
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It’s difficult to say. We’re not doctors here unfortunately, so can’t diagnose you.
Can you see a doctor? It would put your mind at rest.
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