Do I have to start using again?

I have been clean for 10 years, but I don’t feel any better for it.

To be honest I miss the escapism.

When I was high I literally did not give a ■■■■ about anything

Now life seems to get on top of me, and I want a break from it all.

How did I get so boring?

I am not even sure where I can get drugs from these days it has been so long

3 Likes

Don’t do it. It’s one of those things chasing those shadows. Yeah you might feel good initially but it’s down the rabbit hole you go and that doesn’t end well simply from what I’ve seen around here.

Be strong. I am often confronted with beasts from the past but I trust myself now and that helps. It’s something you may never win but you can keep on top of. Don’t murder your future for things that may have helped you in the past…!

11 Likes

I also miss drugs. Especially weed. I hope I don’t fall for the temptation to buy some weed.

3 Likes

I’ve drank and used many times. During times of drinking and using, I wish for sobriety. Sobriety is much better.

1 Like

Sober is better. Don’t waste your time

1 Like

Since I have been clean, all I have been dealing with is mental illness. Think that says a lot. I am sick of it.

I do miss this also, but it’s pretty expensive here these days. Drug dealers even when I was doing it were getting stingy

Used to be 1.8 grams for £10, then it was 1.3 grams and called a ten bag. Some time after I quit they were charging my old friends £10 for a gram. Rip off!

That’s exactly what I want to happen. I have been trying to kid myself that I can live a life, but I am getting so overtaken by things I shouldn’t even care about. Driving me crazy

Do you like meditating? If you haven’t tried it, it’s basically just practicing being in the moment. It feels good.

I want cannabis legalized. Maybe then I could buy low thc, high cbd strains and actually enjoy getting high without the risk of psychosis. The first and last time I had skunk, I actually hallucinated in mirrors and windows, plus I was so paranoid, and I messed my sleep up.

I have never tried it before. Have always been suspicious of these types of things.

It’s a widely accepted thing now. I’ve been doing it for 4 years now. I’m not a Buddhist. I don’t believe in the afterlife or rebirth. I don’t believe in a bearded man in the sky.

1 Like

It’s my go-to feel good thing now. Even though I’ve got an awesome fiancée.

1 Like

I think your memory of drug or alcohol use looks better than it really was.
Just remember, you quit for a reason.
Sure, for a lot of recovering addicts and alcoholics the drugs and alcohol was still working when they quit.
The high was still good. But before you make a big mistake and make any rash decisions, just remember what that lifestyle of drugs and drinking was really like.

First of all, if you start using again do you really think you could hold a job? It’s possible but doubtful. Think of all the hassle of finding drugs you went through. Think of all the money you wasted on getting high. Before you make any rash decisions, think it through. Think of handling your life while on drugs. Using drugs and drinking does not solve your problems. Just the opposite, it creates more problems.

If you pick up again you are going to waste a lot of time and money. Do you really want to hangi out in bad places and bars with shady people? . Do you want to be living for going to the drug dealers and bars and hanging out with seedy people?

6 Likes

This is all true, but I just need a way to escape from myself.

I hate how things turned out, and I really feel quite desperate right now that something has to change, and I don’t know how to do that.

Am just slowly killing myself with cigarettes

I understand the temptation… I go through it quite often. I always think of the time I smoked cannabis after work to wind down, just something to look forward to.

But then again I also smoked when I woke up, before work, sometimes during work before doing anything as matter of fact while walking my dog, doing laundry like EVERYTHING, quite literally. It’s like a second cigarette… as matter of fact I really don’t know how to feel emotions without it really

It really is an expensive habit though…and I’ve had trouble with the law before and acted like a junkie when I was dry… roaming the street and asking strangers to score some, I’ve stole things to buy some cannabis and ended few relationship over it also… I guess that’s the definition of addiction though.

I haven’t smoked since last September… sometimes I would love to take a hit. Heck I’m even considering moving to a legal state because of it…but if I smoke im pretty sure I’ll feel hella paranoid though, and the risk of having psychosis will always be there…

I’m sorry I’m not able to give you helping words, but I guess I just want to tell you that I’m going through similar type of things

1 Like

don’t start using again… that is a bad idea… you’ll have to get off it again eventually and it’ll be harder than resisting now.

1 Like

Drugs won’t stop your mental illness. You’ll end up with a more severe mental illness plus a drug addiction and financial problems.

2 Likes

Please don’t
There is no way it will make you feel better

2 Likes

You run a successful landscaping business where you’re doing fabulous work and making people happy. That’s not boring, that’s incredible. You’re doing a lot of stuff right and not giving yourself the credit you’re due.

Really REALLY suggest some therapy man. It can help you recenter.

10 Likes

I wouldn’t restart using.
Can only lead you off a cliff.

1 Like

Do you have a passion in life? Like for me it’s languages.

2 Likes