Struggling to stay the same

I’m 289 days clean, but I’m not seeing the point any more. 15 minutes to salvation. If I’m going to lose my mind, and my cognition is only going to continue to degrade, regardless, why not choose how? Why not get there faster?

Considering giving up and living on the streets of the Tenderloin a lot lately.

I romanticize the chaos it offers. True freedom is dangerous, ugly, and inticing af.


Why don’t you get your insurance sorted and get some help? Nothing but death awaits you on the streets. There’s nothing glamorous about being homeless.


I’m sorry you’re suffering.

Being homeless on meth isn’t the answer tho

Meds seem like a better option imo.

Haven’t you heard…abilify doesn’t have too great of side effects.

Hence why 50% of this board is on it

50% of statistics are made up btw so don’t quote me on that. But a lot of us are


Death comes to everyone, regardless. I’m not afraid it, wherever I am. If you think I care for glamor, you’ve misread the entire post.

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Well to be fair, it wouldn’t just be meth.

Did you ever make the choice that no meds means no recreational drugs?

If you did, stick to it! A lifetime of no meds is better if you could do without them than the temporary, never satisfying high of recreational drugs.

Weigh it up. you know all the cons of taking aps and for what? A buzz? I know the choice I would make.


If you go back to the streets and start getting high again, you could end up in prison. Prison is way worse than having to sort out insurance and restart antipsychotics

you’re gonna be a poly drug user living on the streets

That just sets yourself up for something you’re going to regret.

I have thoughts about running away too

I have to remind myself every day my cat loves me. He keeps me here. And common sense and stability doesn’t hurt my cause to stay here either. But that only comes from meds for me.


That’s nothing to scoff at, that is quite an accomplishment really. Could it not be that you’re just hitting a rough patch, as we all do when quitting substance abuse. I was an alcoholic until 15 years ago, so I know how it feels

Think about it before you throw all that away would be my only advice


Congratulations! That’s a long time. I remember back in the day, the first time I got clean off meth and the other drugs I was doing I was really miserable for like two years. Then one day I was driving over this mountain and I came up over a pass and the sun shined between the trees and it was so beautiful and all of a sudden this warm feeling came over me and I felt happy. It sort of occurred to me that I had made it and that things were good again. I think it took a long time for my brain to reset and heal after all those years of using meth, coke lsd, shrooms and pills.

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Well if you’re going to go to prison, why not in California? They have far more reform programs than any other state. Besides, the Tenderloin is an open air drug market. They don’t go after people like me. There’s bigger fish.

The one factor I struggle with are my dogs.


My brain didn’t reset. It went psychotic. I just don’t see the difference between waiting sober for a fuzzy warm feeling, or creating one in real time when I need it.

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Mine has improved greatly since cleaning up and getting my meds sorted. Yours can, too. I’ve seen so many people quit just before things really take off. Honestly, it can take a couple of years after cleaning up for things to straighten out. You didn’t get sick all at once and you’re not going to suddenly be cured overnight. Recovery comes in baby steps over time. That’s how it is for almost all of us.

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I’ll never be cured though. There is no cure.

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It can be managed, and you can have a lot of fun within those parameters. I am.

Sobriety used to make me more psychotic than drugs ever did

Until naltrexone…man that drug ■■■■■■ saved my life.

Now every day I improve mentally

Just saying, I can relate to what you’re saying

But there are drugs that can help with this better than the illegal ones. I may pm you hold on

The need to escape your life is what needs addressing.

Have you read “In the Realm of the hungry ghosts” by Gabor Maté

or “the body keeps the score” Bessel Van de Kolk

Or “Childhood disrupted” by Nakazawa

These books could lead you in the right direction.

They all point towards therapies that alleviate the need to get high.

At this point you are running away from yourself and it doesn’t work in the long run. Get some therapy @fractaled.

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It sounds like youve given up hope that youll get better with treatment. I know the feeling, I got off drugs and did IOP stayed sober. Played it all right for my dad. Still kept getting worse, while my dr insisted I was still doing drugs and thats why I was deteriorating even tho I pissed clean

I said fck it and went back to robotripping (only thing I coulld get at the time). I was never homeless but Im friends with people who were. It was never a good story, they never liked the “freedom” or being dependent on substances to feel anything positive

Its not freedom, simply another cell. A worse one imo


You feel like you aren’t getting better, but you are healing. It just takes time. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’ve put in a lot of time and effort, you’re almost there. And you will feel better. Things will be good again. You aren’t going through this for no reason.