I’m 289 days clean, but I’m not seeing the point any more. 15 minutes to salvation. If I’m going to lose my mind, and my cognition is only going to continue to degrade, regardless, why not choose how? Why not get there faster?
Considering giving up and living on the streets of the Tenderloin a lot lately.
I romanticize the chaos it offers. True freedom is dangerous, ugly, and inticing af.
That’s nothing to scoff at, that is quite an accomplishment really. Could it not be that you’re just hitting a rough patch, as we all do when quitting substance abuse. I was an alcoholic until 15 years ago, so I know how it feels
Think about it before you throw all that away would be my only advice
Congratulations! That’s a long time. I remember back in the day, the first time I got clean off meth and the other drugs I was doing I was really miserable for like two years. Then one day I was driving over this mountain and I came up over a pass and the sun shined between the trees and it was so beautiful and all of a sudden this warm feeling came over me and I felt happy. It sort of occurred to me that I had made it and that things were good again. I think it took a long time for my brain to reset and heal after all those years of using meth, coke lsd, shrooms and pills.
Well if you’re going to go to prison, why not in California? They have far more reform programs than any other state. Besides, the Tenderloin is an open air drug market. They don’t go after people like me. There’s bigger fish.
Mine has improved greatly since cleaning up and getting my meds sorted. Yours can, too. I’ve seen so many people quit just before things really take off. Honestly, it can take a couple of years after cleaning up for things to straighten out. You didn’t get sick all at once and you’re not going to suddenly be cured overnight. Recovery comes in baby steps over time. That’s how it is for almost all of us.
It sounds like youve given up hope that youll get better with treatment. I know the feeling, I got off drugs and did IOP stayed sober. Played it all right for my dad. Still kept getting worse, while my dr insisted I was still doing drugs and thats why I was deteriorating even tho I pissed clean
I said fck it and went back to robotripping (only thing I coulld get at the time). I was never homeless but Im friends with people who were. It was never a good story, they never liked the “freedom” or being dependent on substances to feel anything positive
Its not freedom, simply another cell. A worse one imo
You feel like you aren’t getting better, but you are healing. It just takes time. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’ve put in a lot of time and effort, you’re almost there. And you will feel better. Things will be good again. You aren’t going through this for no reason.