Schizophrenia.com

Do I have Schizophrenia or just bipolar disorder?

I recently started thinking that my depression could be something worse than it actually is. I don’t have the “voices” which are known to follow schizophrenia but I do have odd things happen to me which can only be explained using the word hallucinations.
A lot of the time, I get these weird feelings like I’m seeing something that isn’t actually happening and I get a weird feeling of paranoia alongside it. As a weird example (but the easiest to explain), sometimes when I use the bathroom, I get a weird sense of paranoia that what I’m seeing isn’t real and my mind is tricking me to think I’m in a proper bathroom and in actuality, the walls are made of glass and everyone can see me or there’s someone in the already and they’re trying to tell me but I can’t hear them or see them.
Another example is possibly just social anxiety but when in a group of friends, if I say something funny and we all laugh, I get paranoid that I’m the only one actually laughing and my mind has created the perfect vision of me being popular and funny with friends when they aren’t actually laughing.

Since I can remember, I’ve had uncontrollable thoughts about murder and hurting people and I’m scared I will end up hurting someone. I’ve never told a member of my family and I feel a little bit like Dexter Morgan (from Dexter). I used to look at pictures and videos of gore and blood and feel adrenaline running through my body, and this is when I was around 8. I also started selfharming at 14 to see the blood. I know it’s not normal and it’s becoming even harder to control.

Is it possible that I have schizophrenia and have been left undiagnosed for 19 years or am I just paranoid?

You could have a little of both, schizophrenia and bipolar. There is a diagnosis called schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type, it is a diagnosis given to someone when they display both schizophrenia and bipolar symptoms.
When you have schizophrenia and depression, the diagnosis becomes schizoaffective disorder - depressive type.
You really ought to go see a qualified psychiatrist, get a second opinion, but the meds given to someone with schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type are basically the same meds given out for bipolar type 1 disorder-
Good luck!

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Welcome to the forum @sopihaujeu

I don’t think everyone with schizophrenia has to have voices. It is possible that you have schizoaffective disorder however to my knowledge bipolar can have some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia. The best person to help you deal with these symptoms is your psychiatrist. Self harm is very addicting.

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Welcome to the forum! I’m sorry you are struggling. One thing I had to do was stop watching horror movies and shows like Dexter. They triggered me and it just wasn’t worth it. I also had to stop playing video games like Resident Evil because I would see that stuff walking around my house at night. You have to be very careful what you put into your mind when you have psychosis.

As far as your diagnosis goes you have to ask a psychiatrist. I don’t hear voices and I was still diagnosed schizoaffective. The criteria for schizophrenia states that you can experience just bizarre delusions and be diagnosed with it. Talk to a doctor you shouldn’t need to suffer. :sunny:

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Same here, its very hard, because I love my family so much and don’t want to hurt them, I can’t imagine hurting them! The thoughts about murder are intrusive thoughts placed into my head from outside, they aren’t my thoughts. That is a schizophrenic trait.

Wow, thank you so much for your replies!! I thought I was just exaggerating and being a massive hypochondriac because I’ve been told so many times that I can’t have it because I don’t have the voices and I seem to have it under some sort of control.
I’m going to see my GP to try to be referred to a professional but at the same time, I don’t want to tell everyone about what goes on in my mind or to be locked up because I’m a threat to others. I told my mother about my homicidal thoughts earlier and she looked very worried and scared of me. I just want to get them under control so I don’t lash out when I’m too tired to suppress the urges.

When you have these urges what do they feel like? Do they feel like just visuals or is there more of an impulse? I sometimes see disturbing imagery in my head but it is like a movie or video clip. I don’t get excited by it. Besides the shame it actually makes me feel a little ill. From what I’ve read others feel more of an actual impulse. Either way there is help out there. The most important step is open and honest disclosure with your doctor. You may feel embarrassed but you need to work past that to get the help you need.

When you get diagnosed, initially, it might be a little uncomfortable around your family and friends once they know. The best solution for that is knowledge. If you do have schizophrenia, encourage your mother to read up on it. Once she understands it better your relationship should improve. She will see that you are her son and you just have an illness.

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I get both impulses and images at different times. Like, when I’m alone with a family member, sometimes a video clip of them raping me would appear and it can get quite scary. The impulses feel as though somebody is taking over my body and I have to fight to keep them from doing things, like breaking things and doing things that I wouldn’t dream of.

That is something you definitely need to tell your doctor. I won’t lie and say that it will be easy. But the side effects of the drugs are a lot better than the alternative of having no control over your life or doing severe damage to those around you. You can find peace with schizophrenia. It is something I am still working on but I ardently believe that.

I find diagnosis doesn’t mean much. I am diagnosed paranoid type by most doctors at the VA but a few listed me as schizoaffective. SZ is a collection of diseases anyway and we all have a different set of conditions in general. Treatment is not much different regardless of specific diagnosis and the drugs are often the same too. I think your best tool is a counselor who will address specific issues more than the person writing out prescriptions. Just my opinion though.