Difficulty Judging

I find it difficult to negatively judge another person, even if they’ve done something that deep down I know is despicable. I may know it but I can’t seem to feel that feeling anymore. And I have identity issues because of it. This also makes it difficult for me to stand up for myself. Anyone else?

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In one way you could look at it as a good thing. You probably show a lot of compassion and empathy.

The second part, the part about standing up for yourself, makes me wonder if there’s abuse involved. In my experience, if you’re abused long enough, you internalize it as something that isn’t wrong when it comes to you.

For a while, I could recognize something as despicable if it was done to someone other than me, but if it was done to me, it was more complicated. After a while, I lost the ability to recognize it as despicable if it was done to anyone.


Thank you for putting words to this experience. The exact same thing happened to me. Now, through lots of therapy, I am able to recognize abusive acts as inherently despicable again, instead of just internalizing them as normal.


I have the opposite problem, I ‘know’ that everyone is bad even if they’ve done only good.

I am a victim of lifelong abuse and I can empathize with the condition of empathizing with your abuser to the point that you fail to have boundaries for yourself. I excused my abusers behavior because they were…fill in the blank…jealous, resentful, obsessed, horny, frustrated, angry etc. What I failed to realize is that MY feelings matter and I don’t abuse people no matter how bad I feel. No matter what a person feels or is going through and no matter how much we may empathize (been there), it is NO excuse for poor behavior. We can’t allow ourselves to be whipping posts although I know it is easier said than done. Takes therapy. Takes practice.

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i know that my in laws are wrong in the way they treat me but i try to find the good in them and i internalize the abuse, at least that’s according to my therapist.

It is such an easy habit to get into. People blame you when they abuse you so they make it easy for you to blame yourself. It’s unfortunate that people don’t take accountability for their own behavior. I am sorry that you have to deal with that. FWIW: it’s not your fault EVER when someone abuses you. That is a CHOICE they are making with their own brain.


Are u apathetic