It’s the usual drama of focusing on the negative in life, people or society. I can linger in those feelings which do not feel good - it does not feel fair, It does feel like a personal attack by other people on my own person since I was a kid and there’s not a thing I can do to alter this semi confusing reality which is a perception others have of me! Certainly it’s nice that I have some people who like me, respect me and even “love” me and of course I dwell on a negative comment from an acquatence feeling the bad feelings and moving into self pity…and right now of course I can see the solution to my own problem is always the same but for some reason I have to feel bad until I feel okay again. I’ve never had tough skin. I’ve always been the Merry Prankster loving chaos and revelling in adventure, whenever presented with a sober way of life just always felt like a wet blanket and so disgusting actually - It’s just too bad for me that I could never embrace the life of what I consider to be a square. So the things I’m ranting about right here as you’re reading this are things that are beyond my realm of power- If people want to treat me as I perceive to be good or bad or however they treat me I have limited control over that. I have in turn taking a very strong silent approach to life and at first glance can come off as threatening or menacing which really I was a sweet fun loving boy torn to bits by our society and shown I could or should not be this way Lol —
I don’t have thick skin either. I’m very sensitive. But I don’t lash out, instead, I internalize it and feel like I’m not worthy. It’s something I’m working on - finding self worth.
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