I have advice. Give yourself a huge amount of credit. OCD is hugely hard to overcome. If you broke away from it this morning that’s amazing. You should celebrate. As far as the anxiety goes and the worry that’s to be expected, you’re out of your comfort zone. I guess you’re going to have to tolerate that for a while as you are going through this change. I know that’s not great. But great job giving up your rituals.
I don’t have first hand OCD, but I have a close relative who has it, and I know how anxiety inducing it can be to have a ritual interrupted or be kept from performing it.
Sending you good vibes and strength <3
Kudos for being willing to work on it, even though it can be quite frightening.
Like I wrote in the say anything thread the other day, one of the ways OCD affects my loved one is, for an example, that they can’t grab any drink from the fridge if ONE can or bottle is facing the wrong place or not placed parallel to the other ones.
As in, they will wake up in the morning, dead thirsty from sleeping meds, and stand in front of the fridge for 15 minutes extending and retracting their arm with tears in their eyes because they just can’t bring themselves to actually touch the drink, but desperately need it.
I’ve learned not to interrupt them when they do that, but they have a specific whimpering sound they make which I’ve learned essentially means “I give up, can you please help me before I either puke from anxiety or start bawling?” at which point I will drop everything in my hands, correct the wrongfully placed drink, and get one and open it for them
I had that too for years. Exposure helps, but what helped me the most was a grisly sense of fortitude, which made me growingly indifferent to the consequences. Sometimes cynicism pays. But what really sorted me out was developing what others call my sz. How? I honestly don’t know. Rituals can be beaten.