I’m in a pretty strange place now. I’ve been hyperreligious for the past two years. Read so much religious material and theology, spent all day reading and reading. Got very involved at the various different churches I started attending. But now… it’s all gone. I don’t care anymore. I see how obsessed I was and to think it was another cruel symptom of my disease. It sickens me. I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell if this apathy is from the negative symptoms or if it’s just that the psychosis is gone and my brain is in shock. But this is so strange, something I cared about so deeply in my life is now gone and I feel so much doubt. This disease is a joke
Edit: I know this is a sensitive topic so my apologies, but it is a reported symptom of sz/sza. To think that my belief was solely the product of my illness makes me doubt myself even more and how much I can trust what I think
Getting stabilized helped me. When I was extremely paranoid in 2015 and thought my life was going to end, I started praying and believing in God in the hospital. It’s not as strong now, but it’s still there. I feel like I owe it to God and I dont like flip flopping. 2018 was also my worst year in a parallel universe. I hope i can make it to 2019 or 2020.
Furthermore, i had a religious experience/NDE that was so powerful I instantly became a believer in 2011. I was a devout atheist. I’ve seen so much weird and bad ■■■■ and experienced it 10,000 times over that I have to believe. I feel compelled. Sometimes, I feel like a prophet.
I’m glad that your belief has helped you! I’m just in a weird spot where I’d like to do more reading and researching but I lack the motivation to and generally care less than I used to I guess
Medication makes it so I just don’t really think those things. Like I still have my strange beliefs but I’m not fixated on them and really they’re just in the back of my head sort of boxed up. Vs off meds they are hugely prevalent in my life and when I’m not doing well I can become very obsessed with them and sucked in.
Yes. I had a religious experience during my psychosis that turned my interests toward God and theology. I read books about God, started going to church, listened to Christian music, etc. It gave my life new meaning, and it made me feel safe and loved.
When my psychosis ended, I went back to being how I was before. It does feel cruel, like it was all fake and I was just crazy. I wouldn’t mind living that kind of life again, but I just don’t believe/care anymore. I do feel sad about that.
Key part of the word was “hyper” though. I used to be religious before all of this, but when I started reading about all of these denominations and church history and theology and the saints for hours every single day, that’s when it can be seen that there’s a definite distinction in my religious practice prior to and during my psychosis. Hell I even used to pray the rosary on the floor in partial whenever I got stressed
I feel u, I’m sorry u went through a similar experience. With all of psychosis it feels like it reinforces this idea that you can’t trust your own thoughts, and it’s painful and humiliating to feel like this.
Nothing wrong with that! I just meant for ppl like me who suddenly, out of nowhere, became extremely religious during psychosis and was wondering if that persisted for them once psychosis was treated. Not saying there’s anything wrong with the belief itself, just the sudden change I guess in the intensity of belief is what I mean
I had a sudden, intense belief in my religion too after a spiritual experience that has continued for years now. I read religious books too. But I don’t spend hours and hours reading them. I do spend hours in prayer though.
