Schizophrenia.com

Did You Always Know


#1

Did you always a have this feeling, deep down inside, that something all out you was different, that you were just not the same as everyone else, even as a very young child?
I do not know what it was like for anyone else, but for me, I has intense fears of ghosts or spirits near me, or coming to hurt me and my family. Sleeping with the lights on did not help, staying awake all night was the only way I felt protected. My parents divorced when I was 10, and my mother had told me to be sure to keep the front door locked at all times because there had been a murder in our area. Well that was all I needed to hear. I gave up on sleep, and it had gotten to the point that I was so sleep deprived, that I took a bottle of my mom’s sleeping pills called dalmane, and I fell into a coma for 2 weeks, the doc told my parents I probably wasn’t going to make it. I remember the nights leading up to the overdose, feeling spirits near me, and I knew I was not normal.
at what age did you realize that something about you was not right?


#2

My 3rd grade teacher supposedly told my mother that I had “problems”-- not talking and interacting basically. My mother dismissed the allegations, but then told me later in life that I had autism. Never took me to a psychiatrist, though.

Was I different? Yes. Was I expecting schizophrenia? No.

MadHatter


#3

I always had notes from teachers saying “he daydreams too much in class”


#4

Spent a lot of my early childhood alone in my room, totally depressed. Wondering why I was so different to others.


#5

about 4 years old at pre school.
i sat outside the circle at story time, i did not trust adults…and i played by my self.
i had a real resentment when i was not alowed to play with the special ’ train set '.
i went back as an adult an killied them all…( that bit is untrue ! )
take care :alien:


#6

I turned weird and became withdrawn in seventh grade. My dad told me this. But I was a little off in fourth grade when my family moved from L.A. to the Bay Area in 1970. I think that’s when my problems started. My hair had grown REALLY long and I had just gotten glasses. I stood out but I didn’t realize it. And my personality was not wanting a lot of attention. My appearance really screwed me up. After I got sick in 1980 I spent a lot of time just THINKING. Especially about the past. I thought back to 1st-3rd grade and looking back it seemed I was REALLY unaware of my surroundings in those days.


#7

I never noticed changing into anything different, and I still feel the same as when I spent many hours up in the front tree of our house avoiding the pain that others loved to inflict on me.
Guess I was more suprised when I discovered that not everybody thought like me. Thought I was just your average Joe so to speak.


#8

I guess around 3rd grade or so I started realizing I was different. Before then I never really thought about it. I had all the same fear with spirits you talk about, and the accompanying insomnia, among other things. Didn’t realize that was weird until much, much later in life though, when I got into psychology and whatnot.


#9

I didn’t really think about it till I was about 8-9 but on hindsight realise I was different from my peers even before then.
At one point before going to boarding school at 8 I was described as the “class clown”. My mother constantly described me as an awkward baby/toddler/child/teenager/young adult/middle aged adult.


#10

Up until the age of 15 I didn’t feel abnormal at all. I was into the sport of wrestling and I was popular at school. Then, my sophomore year in high school I started getting hit with these crushing anxiety attacks at school. I felt very abnormal then. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 28, but I had to deal with crushing anxiety every time I was in public since I was 15, and I felt very abnormal because of my anxiety.


#11

no i didn’t feel different at all. i had a lot of friends and was popular. i was a daydreamer yes but nothing too bad. i got attacked when i was 15 and it all started from there.


#12

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#13

Madness has been my deepest fear from early adolescence onward, without having any suspicions it would happen to me. To have it happen and live is quite satisfying in a sense.


#14

I always knew I was different… the moment I hit kindergarten and had other kids to compare to. Other kids could sit still for long periods of time. I couldn’t.

You know how kindergartners used to get nap time… other kids napped… I got jump rope time or run around outside time to tire me out so I could sit still better. I did NOT understand why people could sit for so long.

Other kids talked slow, moved slow, and I used to think I was pretty lucky to be so fast at everything. When other kids had one picture going for art time… I had 5 and would run around and do a little on each painting.

Soon I got a lot of tutors because I was told I was a disruption to the classes because I had a hard time sitting still. I’d raise my hand to answer a question and then couldn’t stop talking.

I was told that emotions for me were always off the scale. If I was happy… I was giddy euphoric. If I was mad it was a rage, if I was sad it was inconsolable sobbing. There was no medium with me. My parents were glad that most of the time I was happy… though it was hard to keep up with.

It wasn’t until I was 14 that things started hitting me that made me scared and fearful and my mind become dark.


#15

Yes, and it was confusing then, but later in life starting in my 20s but really more in my mid 30s I learned it was due to being spiritually perceptive and a Starseed.
Also learned of my Native American heritage which brought with it Native spirits, and once I became a Christian the entire spirit world opened and i could put everything in its proper place…
I really don’t like using the term Starseed so much because it is so cliche’ among some people and new age. But the traits I had and still have are those of an alien hybrid from the lines of the ancient aliens: empathy, ability to have visions and communicate with the spirit world, deeper connections with some people, synchronicity, a deeper knowledge of things, even as a child.

I did the lights on thing after my first vision at age 7 - 8. A family member died right in my house around that age too and his ghost or a spirit possessed a Flipper dolphin blow up thing I had and made it breathe. I sensed spirits in my basement, in my closet and under my bed, so my nightly ritual for awhile was to check the closet and under the bed to make sure the monster wasn’t there.
There was also a gruesome suicide in the area when i was around the same age, and I experienced haunted cemeteries that others also heard and saw things in.

It wasn’t that something wasn’t right, though my parents and doctors thought so. I had to do quite a bit of searching on my own to come to the truth. Nothing was really wrong at all. I just needed an understanding of who I was and why I was so perceptive of things.

Now if i sense a spirit or on rare occasion see or hear one I do not freak out, I talk to it, might even chase it around if it’s up to mischief. It might make me jump initially if it surprises me but I pretty much keep the mind set that anything can appear or speak at any time, so in the rare event something does i am not caught off guard. I know they are all around, just beyond the veil of sight in another dimension that occasionally is able to manifest into this dimension.

Even though I do not see or hear anything right now, I am pretty sure there are at least 20 different spirits around, some animal spirits under the house and ground, some in the woods, maybe a couple ghosts, some evil spirits and some angels. A tall white angel shining stands about 7’ high and i have visualized him (or her, or maybe androgynous?) as a guardian assigned by God, so with that everything is quite all right.


#16

I knew I was different when I was 13 or so and developed panic attacks, and when I started having imaginary friends (which continued till I was 26). I was the freak of the family, the odd one out.


#17

This explains some of what I was talking about…

http://www.dimension1111.com/starseed-experiences.html

This was me exactly, and may apply to some others here:

Starseed children can sometimes have periods of hyperactivity and if that accompanies any anti-social behavior at times then they are often diagnosed with having A.D.D or autism in extreme cases. Later on in life they can often be diagnosed with having Bi-Polar disorder because of the dramatic swings of emotion, But most of these qualities are due to the starseed’s sensitivity to the world around them and empathic abilities as mentioned previously.

As children starseeds tend to be highly intelligent with an inquisitive mind, even if they suffer from poor grades in school. Starseed children are fascinated by many things and may show early interest in various subjects such as art, music, science, geography, history, language, reading, writing and journaling and sometimes poetry. If a subject disinterests a starseed child or if they feel the information is mundane or useless on some level they may tend to ‘tune it out’ and only absorb what excites their passion and curiosity, often soaking up knowledge and even studying subjects on their own.

If you read down in the part where it speaks of Physical Symptoms and Signs of Starseeds, I have low tolerance to cold, low pain threshold, rarely get sick and if i do its 24 hours, 48 at most even in years i get the flu.
cant stand bright and unnatural lighting, have above average hearing, and was able to hear some sounds only dogs hear in a hearing test, can’t stand loud or chaotic noises, have reddish tint in hair, extremely high tolerance (off the charts) to alcohol and opiates, but low tolerance to many other medicines (hence i dont take), and also the same kind of med can react differently every time I take it.


#18

I always knew I was different. I was a strange little kid. At age 11 I had my first delusion


#19

I don’t mean to offend, but maybe your mother was wrong. How could you have grown up any different (as in your true full potential) instead of being stunted by her comments that you believe are true?

ALL babies are born awkward, they just are. No one is born with grace or the ability to be socially acceptable, but they can learn, that is if someone teaches them.
If you were never taught the skills, then you can’t say you are that way as fact.
You still have all the potential you were born with, and at your age (since you made it alive this far in life) you can still be taught how not to be “awkward”, (depending on how much you want to do it.)


#20

In her case I think she meant ‘awkward’ as in more difficult to handle and control than my brother and sister. I never saw myself in that way although I accept being physically and socially awkward.
I quote them as a pointer to how she felt not because I think she was right in the sense that she meant.