Schizophrenia.com

Desperate need for help

#1

My current diagnosis is bipolar, type one. However, that diagnosis has quickly started to change when I started experiencing self harming and violent intrusive thoughts, flashes of bad, violent and self harming images recently. I went into a treatment center recently and was put on strong medication to stabilize me. The night before the admission to the treatment center, I heard command hallucinations. I have always had bad delusions off my medicine, such as people can read my mind or that a loved one is out to kill me. I am currently diagnosed with executive functioning disorder.
In you all’s experience, does this sound schizophrenic? I am asking for your advice and not professional opinion. I just don’t know anyone who’s schizophrenic and I am pretty high functioning and I have no one to talk about it with. I don’t know how to process this except to be irritable and depressed and my parents, whom I’m living with until I get some tests done, just don’t understand.

Additionally, if it is schizophrenia, do people ever understand? I am dating a guy who is bipolar who thinks I’m bipolar. I have been dating him for three years and I’m unsure how he’d handle this potential new diagnosis… I could really see a future with him but I can’t lie to him about this. He knows something is going on but he doesn’t know what. My family understands to the fullest of their ability, but I’m not sure if he’ll just think of me of a crazy lunatic instead of the same person I’ve always been.

Last question: biological kids. Bad idea? I want them so bad but I don’t want them to suffer. Has anyone had experience having kids and them turning out fine?

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#3

Im 20 dont ask me about having children LOL

But yes you sound like you have schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia with a mood disorder. You sound like you meet the criteria…I am not PhD, I am an undergrad psych student, but im pretty smart and know my abnormal psychology pretty well, I am on a full ride scholarship and am in the honors program, and I make straight A’s, if that makes my unprofessional opinion any more valuable.

I say schizoaffective, manic type.

questions: Do you have memory problems, trouble organizing speech and thoughts, problems with daily living (doing laundry, hygiene, ect), do you have an occupation, how long and how often have you been having these psychotic symptoms?

And dont get me started on stigma. Some people tolerate and understand, some people flip out completely. Like the powerlifting team members, they know about my sedating meds and condition, they’re cool with it, I told one of the elite ranked lifters (who also works at the gym) I was training with (just me and him were training) I was faint and he was like “sit down and drink your workout supplements” (carb and protein powder drink) he didnt ■■■■ around or tell me to “nut up” (ie grab ones testicles). Similar thing happened right at the end of a leg workout and one of the super heavyweight experienced lifters had me sit down and asked me some questions and then was like “oh youre fine, you just had an adrenaline spike, it happens every once in a while” because I felt high and a little weak, I was coming down off an adrenaline spike.

but anyways, get a psychological evaluation. I had one done over a year ago and learned EVERYTHING about whats in my skull. They’re expensive and time consuming but answer all questions and then some.

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#4

i thought i would say hi, this is a great forum.
sz is not a death sentence, lots of people are able to marry , have kids, hold down jobs etc…
it is best to get diagnosed properly…it is not for me to say…there are so many variations…
take one step at a time. once diagnosed go from there.
know some one cares .
take care

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#5

Thank you for all of that, firstly.
Yeah, I figured I was closer to schizoaffective than bipolar, but I didn’t realize it could manifest in this way. I didn’t realize it’s so close to schizophrenia.
I have memory problems, trouble organizing speech, problems with daily living. I am currently a full time student, but I am starting my first job in two weeks. I have had the urges, flashes, and brief voices for about four months and they got so bad that I voluntarily hospitalized myself because I was afraid I was going to hurt myself or others.
That is nice to hear. Nice to know some people understand enough to not make a big deal about it.
I have had a nueropsychological exam- albeit a cheap one because it was covered by the school system when I was in highschool. It was actually awesome. But now that I have these symptoms, I should probably redo.

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#6

Hello! I can already tell. It certainly feels like a death sentence right now, haha!
My psychiatrist is trying to send me to some study and to a psychologist who is like the best in the country specializing in psychiatric disorders to confirm it. So, I will probably end up getting it.
Thank you! Means a lot.

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#7

Hmm…well the MMPI-2 plus interviews is what I did. No need for fMRI’s, I was clearly schizophrenic with minimal cognitive impairments (on my current meds regiment i scored 133 on an IQ test yesterday). You might want a psychological evaluation. Tell me more about the neuropsychological exam- Im not familiar or sure what exactly you mean.

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#8

You sound like a flake to me. I might be wrong.

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#9

You have a lot of answers on the diagnosis end. On the kid end…

My grandfather had a mental illness, one of my Uncles is Sz, my dad and the other kids are not and are fine.

My Uncle who is Sz has three kids. One is SZA, the other two are fine.

My Dad does NOT have any mental illness. I have Sz, my youngest brother is bipolar 1, My other brothers and sister are perfectly healthy.

The light switch is genetic, but it’s a roll of the dice as to what clicks the light switch on

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#10

Hello @Madmoxxi - I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 1 before I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder.
There can be many overlaps and similarities between these 2 disorders. I get mood shifts - mania/depression and I hallucinate - get delusional outside of a mood state - mania or depression. I also have negative symptoms, people with bipolar disorder do not really get negative symptoms other than when they are depressed.
With schizoprenia, functioning is more challenging that it would be with bipolar disorder. Usually people with pure bipolar have periods where they are virtually “normal” with schizophrenia, “normal” is harder to obtain. SZA is more of a chronic illness, bipolar is more of an on-off type illness. I would talk to a qualified psychiatrist

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#11

Why do I sound like a flake? I did nothing wrong. I didn’t lie about my symptoms.

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#12

Thank you. I really want to have biological children and it’s hard enough to be bipolar, much less schizophrenia. That’s why I worried. Thank you. You really helped.

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#13

Thank you. This post helped me understand the differences and I feel like I’ve never truly been “normal”, just functioning. It’s nice to hear that someone else went through what I’m going through.

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#14

I think that’s different from what I had. Neuropsychological exam showed I was bipolar and that I have learning disabilities. I will definitely talk to my psychiatrist about that. Thank you.

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#15

Don’t listen to pob. Welcome to the forum. I’m also SZA. I definately have a mood disorder not sure if its bipolar or not yet. But I don’t really care. I’m currently on meds and stable so I don’t really care what my label is. I want kids too sometime in the future. I’m 32 so I’ve still got some time left but I realize that I’m not ready yet to handle it. Probably a couple more years of stability and I’ll be there. I think its possible to successfully raise children, depending on how debilitating your illness is. I’m not working right now but my goal is to work part time, if I was to have children that would be my full-time job. I couldn’t handle the added stress of a job plus a child. And I think I could only handle one child.

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