My denial of schizophrenia comes and goes? I am always assuring myself there was a very fair, my soul crying out pscycologi ally $&@! Reasons my mind and body goes into psychosis and for me they are always my childhood demons trust lies sex crime and drugs violence etc. I try and piece my childhood together with the lies I was told and the pain and suffering I went through and the sad thing is as I have been trying to figure all this out because I am allowing it my thinking space, I have attracted the same in my life as an adult. So that’s why the last 10 years matter,I have found myself!
To be continued I am exhausted no sleep for 36hrs
Only time I deny is it is if I think another diagnosis makes more sense.
When I was younger I was crumbling before I reached for drugs, but there was a time where I reasoned my Sz away. I was telling people that I was having hallucinations due to LSD and XTC. I was mood swinging due to alcohol and uppers. I was feeling flat and loosing cognitive ability due to pot and other drugs. It had nothing to with Sz. I was convincing people and myself that there was NO Sz here, only drug addiction. But I have a feeling that my parents knew better. They knew I was a bit different long before drugs.
So when I ended up in rehab and I was still having symptoms… there was nothing to hide behind. Nothing else to blame it on. But accepting it and learning about it has helped me start to over come this.
I was in denial until I was formally evaluated…then I still had symptoms, I was delusional for a while after, but less delusional, about half and half in terms of “im just crazy” and “this is real”…but before I was just about 100% “this is real” so it was a huge step towards recovery. Medication really did the trick, it made me snap out of it.
It’s weird every now and then its like i want to believe i’m a normal person not sick with a serious mental illness, so i tell myself, " I’m not sick" then i start to believe it.
i am always in denial of being sz and my demons sitting next to me are in denial about being demons, but them are the breaks ! (dark sith makes tea for the demons, " two sugars anyone ! " )
I read a story where a woman’s voices convinced her she wasn’t ill anymore. In my own odd way, that made me smile.
I’m sometimes in denial, normally when I become delusional again. When I believe everything is real and that i’m not ill it’s just a government plot but even when i’m not delusional I sometimes deny it because it means i’m reliant on medication (at the moment anyway) every time I try to come off them I become psychotic. I deny it everyday in a way because I hate to face it only with my mum and my key nurse do I acknowledge it or when i’m aware i’m going down before it gets too late. I do have moments of lucidity where I’m aware i’m ill but i’m still in the fog of years of untreated psychosis I haven’t escaped it’s grips yet.
I’m about two-fifths “I’m completely crazy” and three-fifths “this is real.” The stuff that supposedly happened to me is totally insane and wildly improbable, which makes me think I’m crazy, but there’s also been a lot of weird events I can’t explain, which makes me think I had some kind of genuine psychic/spiritual experience.
I actually would rather think I was just ill, but I can’t get over some of the weird stuff that’s occurred.
People who care about me think I have Sz and people who don’t, my naysayers think I don’t. I believe I don’t and that real people are harrassing me and reading my thoughts. I really do feel this way. People who hate me think I don’t have Sz. they just call me stupid and keep making negative comments and are constantly on my mind.
I’m in denial right now. I don’t belive I’m ill. But at the same time maybe that’s part of the illness. Being in denial. I sleep more than usual…I’m really tired all the time. Maybe that’s a sign I’m getting worse… or getting better? I sleep more than I did before.
But I’m not sure I have sz. I still hear whispers, but normal ppl too hear voices. Atleast some do.
I’m in denial also. I don’t think I have sz but depression and acute anxiety and OCD for some intrusive thoughts. But I believe people are inside my body and harrassing me from the outside. It is possible for this to really happen to someone. Some people who are not my fans picking on me and making it seem like i’m insane. Even though I tell my mom this but she just looks sad and I begin to think maybe the doctor knows better. I think the people harrassing me think i am an idiot. They ask me don’t you know?
i know i haven’t got schizophrenia because i have the scars to prove whats happened to me and my son has a cigarette burn on his arm with no memory of receiving it. i have discovered love bites on my body in places i couldn’t reach with my mouth so i know i didn’t do it in my sleep…my “illness” was induced hypnotically with pain to make it stick. that’s why i hear voices and have experienced psychoses in the past which wouldn’t work anymore hence the reason i’ve been stable for the past 3 years. if i could find a med that took the voices away i’d b happy and just get on with my life but right now i’m stuck with these extra personalities until i can find a way to erase them. no. i don’t have schizophrenia and i’m not in denial either. i just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when i was 15 and it’s wrecked my life and that of my children.
I always know that I have schizophrenia. My intrusive thoughts, which I do not want to have, remind me of it. And I remember how delusional I was.
i was basically in denial of it for the past 3 years, thought it was a death sentence, took about a year to accept i could be bipolar but i would absolutely not accept schiz as a diagnosis,
so this year i am learning to accept
I have schizoaffective - no I have bipolar - no its schizoaffective, wait its bipolar - no it has to be schizoaffective I was diagnosed with it many times. No its psychotic depression - This is what goes swirling through my head many times.
I myself get very confused, because I have many symptoms. My last diagnosis by my psychiatrist and psychologist was schizoaffective, my current diagnosis with my current psychiatrist is schizoaffective and I think that the SZA diagnosis really makes the most sense for me - it seems to fit the most. But it is a head game, no doubt
I denied it for 25 years after being diagnosed. I just tried to white-knuckle it and fly under the radar. But those demons kept popping up time and again. One remark about mind reading and everyone turns on you. Funny how that is.
Even after going on meds and seeing how much they helped, I was still in that shadowy area where my delusions were clinging to life, where my hallucinations were just waiting to be heard again. I could be complete if I could somehow balance feeling well and having those “special abilities.” But with schizophrenia, you can’t choose between the two.