There was an undercurrent to some psychotic misbehaviors of mine, that I recollect, which I never really forgot about but has become a kind of common sense notion to me, but maybe not so obvious to others that they nevertheless may find interesting.
The thought is kind of existential and it was a general idea, that the working of the human brain are unknown to me but that the cosmos must have some underlying computational power and it is this power that our very brains run on. So the idea the brain itself is not the final calculator of meaning, for example, but the cosmos that we are intrinsically embedded in.
This was a thought I had, that my schizophrenia was perhaps something wrong with my brain, but the cosmos was the final calculator due to this specific nature of the basic laws of physics or whatever the brain must follow, so I concluded there was a basic underlying meaning to even schizophrenia. I had this belief with the caveat that if the universe didnât possess this underlying computational power then everything is meaningless anyway not just schizophrenia.
So obviously I donât have to get into the the common traits of schizophrenia that people are waching, persecuting, hearing voices etc. I was thinking these commonalities which are structural are not just based in the brain but a meaning imparted by the some physic of the universe I am alluding to but obviously donât quite understand.
How this caused unusual behaviors is that I was acting in a way that may seem meaningless and crazy, but to me I was fighting against something that the universe/ cosmos could appreciate and others would interpret in the still highly relevant context of schizophrenia, but unaware of the subtextual meanings of individualism, social paranoia, irrationality, persecution etc. that in complexities of thought that are not immediately apparent would be easily computed by the cosmos.
Anyway there is more to say about this particular delusion but since nobody is reading this I will casually conclude that this unusual belief differs from simulation theory, even though it shares the commonality of a thinking universe, the world is completely as it seems in its material composition etc.
Sounds like youre in trouble friend. Hope youre not suicidal for all our sakes. Everyone knows your one of a kind. Dont waste your life. It means something deep. All the best. Thinking of you. In these dark times.
Ok @anon84461028 , I am trying - By the way in human race and before it, in the animal race, our brains are developed in such a way that the âthoughtsâ inside of the brain creates its own mechanism of body.
Or in other words this thoughts structure of such brain imaging (i am not saying thinking) its own views and parameters.
In visual hallucinations, - i also looked that this thoughts structure of my brain (i am not telling its figure) also have reaction of what you think at that time. They act according to your wish of that time. So I concluded that their have brain itself inside of the thoughts structure but outside of my body.
How schizophrenia is typical, i think so. The only question is to whom it should trigger.
I dont really have this belief but i do entertain the basic idea that schizophrenia is either inherently meaningful or meaningless. If meaningful there is some nature of the world that gives it its properties or that it is meaningless so its properties have at most an coincidental relation to the nature of the world. I think as sz is officially conceived in medicine it is a meaningless condition and nothing can be read into its qualities expect that it is nonsense. So my delusion is/ was that there is an underlying logic to schizophrenia that is not appreciated. Obviously that it is some underlying logic of the cosmos is only one possibility, another is that it is the adaptation of the brain that occurs within a spectrum of function to dysfunction related to the social environment we live in. But these are only speculations attributing meaning whereas it is more convenient from a treatment perspective to ignore the nature of the world
Not sure if you yourself understood the nature of schizophrenia you would be able to survive without meds by virtue of that. Schizophrenia will remain what it is but what would change with a less ignorant understanding is perhaps cultural and systemic.
Yes well that is kind of what my delusion was, that even though the brain is like a physical computer, it is situated in a kind of computer, the cosmos, that allows it to function.
You said atleast âYesâ.
The brain and computer are different structures. Brain have imagination power but computer has not. Other thing is that brain know to develop itself its body parts like arms, legs, ears, eyes and spinal cord.
Ok.