I have a horrid relationship with my Dad. For the past two years he just completely ignores me day to day. He does the same thing with my mum. When he does want to talk its always negative “you’ve done this wrong” “you need to start doing this because I say so”
Yesterday he was trying to have one of these chats and I just flipped out on him. I told him how I felt all he does is criticise me when he wants something and then ignore me for the rest of the time. I told him he cant have it both ways.
He told me that its his house and that he pays the mortage and that I should show respect etc. I told him I dont even like him being here.
Later he got all furious with me and demanded an apology and when I said I wasnt apologising he started going “you’ve got to go. Get out” etc.
If my mum wasnt here I probably would already be on the streets.
The weird thing is I dont even feel bad for what I said. It wasnt nice but it is how I feel. I almost feel freer having said that - even if it does mean I won’t have a fixed address soon.
While your dad has much that is wrong with him you need to understand that a person’s faults are often a fixed part of them, and they are very hard to change. You’re probably beating your head against the wall. Can you support yourself on your own? Do you have friends that can help you? Maybe it would be best if you and your dad went separate ways, but if you have to stay, try to make the best of it.
I cant support myself alone. If I could I would already have left.
If I can get another benefit and move up north I possibly could. That’s my current plan. Will take a few weeks to work so I guess I better just hold my tongue for a while.
I think what you say is true. Even if I want him to change he has no advantage in doing so. Hes very unlikely to do so when he can just evict me instead.
maybe you can get on disability and get into low income housing and get away from your dad that way. It doesn’t sound like it’s healthy to stay around him.
I agree, maybe he can let you live in their house until you find low income housing. I also thought about moving out of my parents house but I just try to ignore my parents now.
I had a very troublesome time living with my parents, but now I have my own place our relationship has healed.
He used to goad me and try and pick fights all the time, and my step-father is not a nice person
The only thing that irritates me about him now if I had to pick one thing is the fact he will never give an opinion on anything I ask him. It’s really annoying, as I think he just doesn’t want to take any responsibility, so I only have 1 opinion from another person in this world, and that’s my mother
I’d say move out. I hated living at home with my parents, but now I am independent I can do whatever I like
I hated moving back in with my mom after I got sick. I ended up just being homeless because that was better than living with her. It was super dangerous, and im lucky to not be dead.
Now that I have my own life, it has been easier to reconcile with her. Because now, when she starts being controlling and critical, I just say “You are being disrespectful. I am ending this conversation now. You can talk to me again tomorrow.” And then hang up or leave. She was furious about it at first, but now accepts my boundaries to the point that I usually only have to say “change the subject” and she does. We only got to this point because she has no control over me anymore. I refuse to loan or accept money from her, and I have my own address. If she had any possible leverage to manipulate me with, she would.
I’m part of the sons of bad fathers club!! But you gotta respect your dad if he pays the mortgage ! Maybe apologize or yea move out! I don’t know that sucks hopefully it works out for you!!
I do all that with my sister, @Ninjastar . My sister is the reigning Queen of Arguments of the World. She argues about anything and everything. Especially religion and politics. She’s not happy unless she’s arguing with someone.
I deal with her by telling her, “Change the subject!” That works usually but I have to keep repeating it.
Sorry to hear this @StarCrazy. I feel for you and I don’t understand the behaviour on display here. My own daughter knows there will always be a room in our home for her, if needed.