Hey! Okay, so we’re going to start from the beginning. Sorry this is so long.
- Key point: My mother was schizophrenic, diagnosed as a child. (Around 11)
Now:
My mom passed a year ago. I think that really kicked it off. Within the past 2 months it’s really started. My head is loud all the time, I experience frequently what I can only describe as high energy episodes where I feel … Well. Crazy, as a slur reclaimed. I do irrational things like tape all my art to the walls.
I have frequent breaks in reality, one actually happened a few hours ago and the severe part lasted an hour, now I’m kind of in the downswing. During these breaks I experience delusions, I feared I was being watched.
I feared people were monitoring me and it was all a simulation and if they (trademark lmfao) found out that I knew about them they’d shut me down. Both of these were 100% believed at the times they happened.
But I don’t hear voices, and I don’t hallucinate visually. Since I’m only 16 and this is (theoretically) emerging, that could change, but as of now I do not… The psychiatrist I’m seeing currently said it was /possibly/ emerging psychosis/schizophrenia/mood disorder with psychotic features. They’re always so damn vague.
Sorry this is so disorganized, my thoughts are scattered. What do you think? When you first started noticing schizophrenic symptoms did you not experience voices, only to later develop them? What should I expect? Be open and honest, I realize you’re not going to diagnose me but it helps to have second opinions.
Hey and welcome!
Everyone is different, so everyone experiences things differently.
It can also not be sz, it can be any number of psychotic illnesses.
Your speech is not disorganized, it’s very clear and concise.
I think it’s right for your pdoc not to diagnose you right away, what you described were small episodes, it can be bipolar it can be depression, it can be a lot of things. It can also be sz but in your situation I would trust the pdoc right now.
I never heard voices like, outside of myself, well twice on drugs someone calling my name but I don’t count those. Only inner voices like thoughts from other people, but it’s basically the same for doctors.
I had a major psychotic break that lasted two years and I was completely out of touch with reality.
Since you’re seeing a pdoc I don’t think that will happen to you, I doubt you’ll go that far for now.
Good luck!
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That doesn’t seem irrational to me. Why not tape your art to the walls?
Its good you are seeing a Dr.
Grief can cause temporary psychosis like states I think.
Goodluck
Thank you! I should elaborate – I dont normally do that and it felt out of my control almost. I didn’t want to do it but I felt I had to.
Thank you for replying! At this point the pdoc is sure it’s some form of emerging psychosis, we meet again on the 30th of this month. I do trust him, But we started out with discussing a diagnosis of DID like 3 months ago, Still hadn’t given me a diagnosis, and then said the possibility of schizophrenia kicks DID back a long ways.
If it helps, I’m STILL in the downswing, I’m finally at the point where I can identify it as an episode, but it’s still not gone. I’m still jittery, paranoid, delusional… And again, I can identify this but it’s a very separated thought: I know I’m experiencing an episode but I don’t believe fully that that’s why these things are happening.
Last night when it was at its peak I was almost completely nonverbal/unable to speak. Even if it’s bipolar I KNOW that what I’m experiencing is some form of psychosis. And it’s only been getting worse, but I’m on meds for it so hopefully that helps.
OH I forgot to mention, he dxed me with schizophreniform disorder.
Sorry again, I kind of threw my new thoughts on the page. Thank you so much!
Oh alright than… If you’re on meds that insight kind of makes sense.
Good luck to you! Keep us posted