Could the guy be hitting on me?

There’s a guy I met when I was in the hospital, he was sent home almost the same time as me.
We’ve been keeping in touch on FB, and talking now and then, and he keeps calling me sweetie. This time, he suggested we meet somewhere and maybe watch a movie or bake a cake or something.

I like him. He’s nice to talk to, and he seems calm and relaxed, even though I know he has some anxiety and possibly schizophrenia. (haven’t asked)

I’m just wondering, does it seem like he’s hitting on me, or is he maybe just interested in being friends?

If he’s interested in being friends, that’s fine. Could always use more of those. If he’s hitting on me, well. That makes me nervous tbh.
I’m asexual, and most (not all!) guys seem to expect there to be sex once they get past the kissing part. I can’t and won’t do sex.
Also I don’t know if I’m interested in him that way or not. It’s too early to tell.

Is there a way to kill the expectations before they manifest in him, without burning the bridge (and thereby ruining the possibility of romance or friendship) completely?

3 Likes

He’s flat out asked you out. You can say maybe you’d like to meet up as friends ?

1 Like

I don’t have the guts. Because if meeting up as friends is what he meant, it might make things awkward that I insinuate he wanted more.

1 Like

I think he is sending pretty obvious signals that he wants to date you. Have you told him you are asexual? He might be fine with it.

No, I haven’t had the chance. I don’t tell people unless it’s relevant to the conversation, and it hasn’t been yet :sweat_smile:

1 Like

There are exceptions, but in general, guys don’t call you sweetie unless they are either interested in you or gay. Or if they’re being condescending, but that doesn’t seem like it fits in this context.

3 Likes

Hmm… Now I need to plan my next move carefully.

And oh crap, I just realised that that means I have to clean my apartment before he comes over!

6 Likes

Well, you don’t want to lead the guy on and give him the impression. that sex is possible. It might be a good idea to just clear the air and tell him that there is no chance for sex. If he can handle that news and he doesn’t reject you or end whatever is between you two than it sounds like you got a new friend.

3 Likes

You guys could always meet out in public first. I would actually highly recommend meeting in public. If you invite him to your home, that might give him the wrong impression.

I’m a fairly blunt person, so I would probably just say, “Hey, I don’t know if this matters to you or not, but I’m totally asexual. I will never have any interest in having sex.” And then you could see what he says in response.

5 Likes

I agree. Out in the public first. Otherwise might get a wrong impression.

2 Likes

The thing is, I don’t have any money, so I can’t go anywhere, I can barely get downtown. So if we’re gonna meet, it has to be either at my place or somewhere within walking distance. I live in the middle of nowhere, haha.

But I will definitely take those things into consideration, and I agree, I might need to be upfront about it.
I just don’t want to scare him off.

But the last time I didn’t want to scare a guy off, I wound up springing it on him while he was undressing me, and he stopped touching me immediately, sat in silence for 20 minutes, and then made some bullshite excuse to leave.

1 Like

I know this sounds weird but I don’t always go restaurants , just have a nice walk in the park. Or even walk around somewhere… you don’t have to spend money ?

2 Likes

True, but I still can’t afford to get to a park :stuck_out_tongue: I guess I could take him for a walk in the surrounding forest

1 Like

Yes even if you walk round the block. I wouldn’t advise bringing him home so early on but that’s your choice :flushed::flushed::flushed:

We have met in person before, but yeah, I see your point.
But I can’t afford to meet in a public place until sometimes next year, and I’m not sure he’s gonna wanna wait that long :confused:
I’d be scared he would think I was making up excuses not to hang out with him.

That’s why it might be best to just be up front with him. If he has all the information, he can decide whether he wants to hang out still as friends. But I don’t think you would be presumptuous for assuming he wants it to be a date.

1 Like

You could say to him you don’t have any money to go out anywhere but ask if he fancies going for a walk with you round a park?

1 Like

Sorry to butt in like this. I’m Ace and have a partner who lives with me. I was totally upfront, told her everything. I let her know about my illness, everything relevant about me and my life and how i am. Told her no on many occasions. Told her i didn’t want a relationship because i have found that folks think they can be the care giver, cure you with their love and live happily ever after. You can tell them the facts, and they say they understand, but they don’t and they do end up getting bitter when you can’t change. Now, there should be no rush into this, and you should not feel awkward about it. Tell him up front what is and isn’t ok, and ask him what is and isn’t ok. Have a conversation. If he decides to hang around as a friend, that is awesome, if he becomes a Partner and understands what that means, beautiful. If he pulls a lame excuse and never calls again, well, that say more about him than you. You are in control of your relationship boundaries. Best of luck and i hope you get an ideal partner.

3 Likes

if you like him, get to know him and see where it goes, maybe this is just what you need :slight_smile:

1 Like

Yes he is hitting on you. Trying to get between the sheets if you know what I mean.