hello, this is my first time here. i am in a big confusion with whats happening, I would like someone to help me, at least a little.
i have not yet been diagnosed by any psychologist/psychiatrist of any kind of mental illness or disorder, but i am going to one as soon as i get back home. i just want to hear an opinion of someone who knows something about this.
It all started a few months back, with a fear of people reading my mind. It wasnt a big deal, i just would change my train of thought every time i thought something inapropriate or bad about someone ( ex. a homeless person sits next to me and i think to myself " he stinks" i would immidietly change my “thought subject”) But it didnt stop there. After that came this irrational and stupid if i think about it
when its not happening, fear of people watching me/folowing me. also i have been having problems with speaking, i started to stuttter, mix words and have trouble making long sentences. with the fear of being followed i started to see things, with the corner of my eye. Black shadows moving, people etc. but when i turn my head right at them, there would be nothing there. Also when that happens i get a feeling as if something was right behind me. that was worrying, but it wasnt life changing. Now its up to a point that when i walk around the house, i start screaming becouse i see something pop up behind me. thats the worst of all the above.
also, i someotimes get into a really paranoid state, where i feel spaced out. like i was a little far from my body, i hear difrently and everything is like behind a thin mist?? i dont know how to describe it. with this, i get really anxious, specially of spiders crawling around me, although i know that there almost shure isnt a bunch of spiders around. this state continues untill i get myself to calm down, usually an hour to a few hours.
the unusuall thing is i realize how irrational and unusual these things are, and as far as i read now, schizophreniacs dont realize they are sick.
please help and explain at least a little, i really apreciate it.
sorry for all typos and mistakes, its almost 1am and its not really my first language.