Schizophrenia.com

Confusion about whats going on

hello, this is my first time here. i am in a big confusion with whats happening, I would like someone to help me, at least a little.
i have not yet been diagnosed by any psychologist/psychiatrist of any kind of mental illness or disorder, but i am going to one as soon as i get back home. i just want to hear an opinion of someone who knows something about this.
It all started a few months back, with a fear of people reading my mind. It wasnt a big deal, i just would change my train of thought every time i thought something inapropriate or bad about someone ( ex. a homeless person sits next to me and i think to myself " he stinks" i would immidietly change my “thought subject”) But it didnt stop there. After that came this irrational and stupid if i think about it
when its not happening, fear of people watching me/folowing me. also i have been having problems with speaking, i started to stuttter, mix words and have trouble making long sentences. with the fear of being followed i started to see things, with the corner of my eye. Black shadows moving, people etc. but when i turn my head right at them, there would be nothing there. Also when that happens i get a feeling as if something was right behind me. that was worrying, but it wasnt life changing. Now its up to a point that when i walk around the house, i start screaming becouse i see something pop up behind me. thats the worst of all the above.

also, i someotimes get into a really paranoid state, where i feel spaced out. like i was a little far from my body, i hear difrently and everything is like behind a thin mist?? i dont know how to describe it. with this, i get really anxious, specially of spiders crawling around me, although i know that there almost shure isnt a bunch of spiders around. this state continues untill i get myself to calm down, usually an hour to a few hours.

the unusuall thing is i realize how irrational and unusual these things are, and as far as i read now, schizophreniacs dont realize they are sick.
please help and explain at least a little, i really apreciate it.
sorry for all typos and mistakes, its almost 1am and its not really my first language.

Hey,

It’s like a broken leg…pain tends you to seek medical help and often those with a broken brain don’t!
Insight is rare but does happen. Got to love the internet it’s much easier these days for sure!

Simply put your answering your own problem. Early intervention leads to better outcomes…ie getting medications early help people do so, so much better!

I’m a hack on the internet…it’s all about function. If your brain is doing things that impede your function then it’s time for a professional!

Good luck,

A friend in the struggle,

rogueone.

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I had that problem too. I recently recognized that it was caused by this Phenomenon which is real and is called Synchronicity. Which I put as an event that has connections to past/current experiences (in thoughts or outside environment) that makes it meaningful to a person. Ever since I recognized it, all my delusions and paranoia started to fall to debris in an instant which the meds couldn’t do. And I don’t suppress and became wary of what I think anymore - like you’re doing right now - I just let it flow like it should be.

I think the phenomenon happens below the conscious level most of the time that it’s not that apparent. Your environment would throw very small cues (words or actions) that are somehow related to you with enough regularity that will make you think that your mind is being read. Like for me, I once was attending a university, and regularly, everyday the student beside me would mention something that is exactly related to me, those that are a part of entries that I just put in my diary, that I considered very private. And very private stuffs in my life and recent/current thoughts were being mentioned by my environment in ways like songs, conversions, in tv etc. Like you, I thought my mind was being read which made me become very cautious about what I write and think. There was also this time when my professor was making fun of those students who failed from a reputable University, and the prof mentions the exact score up to the decimal that I got which just strengthened my suspicions. It happened regularly that it made me think that a group of people, which includes the whole university has been hacking my diary, investigating my life, and using technology that reads the mind - for a purpose - when in truth, there’s only one entity which caused all of it, which I call the Force, that is not human, and has everyone connected to and has access to every mind. It inflicts a kind of gaslighting which disorients a person and makes him/her think she/he is going insane which self-fulfills.

I think the mind makes it (automatic) connections to past events and concludes to something bizzare out of fear. Don’t make connections. Ignore those shadows and feelings, they are just that. Don’t give meaning to it. Move on with life.

Welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you may be experiencing what is called positive symptoms. When you see things that you don’t believe are really there then that is hallucinating. There are different kinds of hallucinations which include auditory, visual and tactile. The spiders may fit into tactile if you actually feel them on you. Having paranoia is common. Not feeling like you are connected to your body may be a form of disassociation. Anxiety can make these things worse. It sounds like this is all having a big impact on your life. When you see a psychiatrist then be honest with them about what you are seeing and feeling. Lack of insight is common although the fact that you are questioning these things is a good sign in my opinion. Talking to someone and getting treatment in the early stages is a good thing. I am not diagnosed, my son is. Wishing you all the best.

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Thank you so much guys , 1st. yes i feel the spiders, but not much. just as if something was touching my leg.
2nd thing i didnt mention. When i feel that misty detachment, i also oose memory. I have just blanks. Thats the biggest worry for me. i realized this, becouse while that was happening, i had to hide it becouse some of the people i was with didnt know about this whole thing. i have no recognition of the next 30 minutes. This scares the â– â– â– â–  out of me.

im sorry about your son BarbieBF , i hope my mother is going to be as helpfull

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My son and I have gone through some tough times. I feel lucky in the fact that I have had time to spend researching and trying to understand what he is going through. I haven’t experienced things from his point of view or to the degree with which a lot of people suffer with symptoms. However I have had my own experiences due to a drug addiction where I experienced psychosis to a certain degree so I try to apply that to my understanding of what my son has experienced. I know what it’s like to talk to people who were not physically there and how small my world became. How confusing it all was. I can certainly empathize with how confusing and yes scary all this must be for you. From my point of view my son doesn’t experience different things from myself however he does experience things on a bigger scale both positive and negative.

My son is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. There are different sub-types. This link describes I think all of them but I’m not sure. http://psychcentral.com/lib/types-of-schizophrenia/000714
I know it may be hard to recognize any of these things in your own experience however if you do then it may help you to get a better understanding of what is happening. Other people on the forum will have a better perspective of disorganized or undifferentiated then I do although I think most suffer from all at some point. It also may help you to understand some of the terminology that a psychiatrist may use.

I hope that your mother is understanding. From my point of view sometimes people need help understanding what they don’t understand. Either way you are not alone.

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As far as i have read so far, my symptoms fit paranoid schizphrenia, all except the stuttering and trouble talking.
The out thing im scared of, is that schizphrenia usually shows itself at the age of 20-25, and im guessing the faster the worst it will get, and i am only 15.
Im happy tohear that you and your son understand eachother. I hope my mother will develop that (here was a smuley face, but since im a new user i cant put it in.

My son was diagnosed at 17, he is now 20. Statistically it may show itself mostly between 20-25 but it affects all ages. I’m on a Facebook page were most of the parents are of younger children even toddlers. I didn’t realize you were so young. Already a hard time in life. I know that it may not seem like it but you are able to recognize certain things which I think will help you a lot in learning how to cope with this. Without treatment then yes things may get worse but you have already taken such big steps in trying to learn what is happening to you. Have faith in you and your ability to get through this. I’m not to sure how much my son understand me but he tolerates my interference very well lol.

I guess its becouse since i was little i heard voices and stuff, but they were diffrent from what i hear and see now, they were more human- had their own character, name and changed with the setting. In diffrent countries would speak diffrent languages, there would be more on a cementery or a place where porple died etc. Me and my mother went to a psychologist and psychiatrist, both said its not schizphrenia. The only person that helped was a medium, not a gypsy fairy one though. She helped me cope with that. It was my moms idea since shes really into that kind of spirituality and stuff.
Thank you for your kind words (smile)

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Hi Dudek,

I recommend you get to one of the early psychosis treatment centers that can do an evaluation of you and provide help if you need it. These are frequently free - so there is no downside to calling them and making an appointment.

I recommend you contact one of the centers listed here that is closest to you and (if there none really close to you) then ask them for a recommendation of another clinic like theirs closer to you.

These centers are specifically set up to help people like your brother as early as possible.

http://www.raiseetp.org/sites/index.cfm1

Here is another list of Early Psychosis Treatment centers - call them also if there is not one listed above that is close:

http://www.schizophrenia.com/earlypsychosis.htm1

Its very important that you call them as soon as possible. The sooner you get help (if you are having problems) the better the outcomes (the research shows.

I will be going to somewhere simillar, but i doubt you will have it listed - i live in Poland.
As soon as i get back fron the usa :slight_smile:

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Here is an international list of Early Psychosis Treatment Centers - unfortunately nothing in Poland is listed:

http://iepa.org.au/ep-services/country-list/

But lots of other countries close by - so if you don’t get what you want from a Polish center (try to get a center associated with a good university in Poland - they are usually the most current in terms of treatment approaches).

thought i would say hi.
take care

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