Said by a therapist when I was in a state hospital. I did not know that children can’t. That takes a load off my heart to know that, no matter how much we might have wanted to be able as children, we just couldn’t. Life without good parents sucks.
Doing something and failing under controlled circumstances is how children are taught resilience and the skills needed to succeed both as they’re growing and later in life. I can’t do it is really I can’t do it right NOW.
Children can do amazing things with proper support, effort, and time.
4 Likes
I think what the therapist was referring to was the fact that children are, by definition, immature in heart, mind and body. So, it’s like asking a 2 year old to pick up after themselves. Many parents do ask them to do this and it is unfair because it’s just too much.
1 Like
I dunno… There’s plenty of babies who can put their toys away and help clean up. They even have a “Clean Up” song as well.
Perhaps it’s deeper than that.
As in, children cannot (and rather should not) be the ones comforting their parents.
Children should not be raising their parents and fulfilling all of their emotional needs.
Parents have a responsibility as providers-- food, clothing, shelter, enrichment, and love.
Children do not, cannot, and should not.
3 Likes
But not friends.
IMO, parenting and friendship aren’t necessarily mutually-exclusive.
There’s defos ways parents can be friends to their children:
Providing them with a kind, wise, and judgement-free ear whenever their kid needs to vent.
Doing fun activities together that they both enjoy and making memories together.
Having silly moments during the everyday, mundane stuff.
…I dunno. Again, just my measly ol’ opinion, but I do think there are appropriate ways for parents to be a good friend to their child.
2 Likes
The absolute worst behaved kids I had in my 4H projects were always the ones with parents who treated them as friends and equals. It was noticeably very bad. Also a known problem that leaders are taught about in 4H training.
My role as a parent was to be a caring mentor. Lead the way when I needed to, but I tried to give my daughter a say and the power to make decisions whenever it was appropriate. I increased the responsibility as she aged. I did my best to be supportive when she had failures like losing a volleyball match or not placing at speak-offs. Caring, listening, trying to have fun - you bet.
Now that she’s an adult we’re transitioning more to friends with me needing to mentor a lot less. I no longer have any business telling her what to do, but am happy to offer input when asked. This new relationship is enjoyable.
1 Like
Friends? Maybe. Equals? Defos a big no-no, from my understanding.
And that, sir, is why you’re a card-carrying member of the Awesome Dad Club 
.
That’s great stuff, @shutterbug 
.
1 Like
Giving my kid driving lessons, age 14.
Just passed her driver’s exam and is road-worthy, age 16.
The kid driving her own whip, age 17.
3 Likes
Your daughter is sooo pretty and she seems like a great human to boot! 
You must be one proud dad 
1 Like
This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.