I have a friend that is super struggling,
We talk almost every other day,
I encourage her and let her vent.
However, she will not take solid advice.
She needs to make so many changes but refuses to do a thing.
She’ll hyper focus on something trivial and that’ll be her “progress” for the day.
I don’t want to push her too much and she’s a smart woman,
She knows she’s doing wrong for her health.
What do you do?
I think this applies here too.
As in on the forum.
How do you proceed?
I think that working with the volition of others is one of the most difficult things to do it’s really hard to get people motivated. I don’t have advice for you.
Some people simply cant be helped, until they hit rock bottom. Theres a woman i was supporting for the past 3 years - but in the end, it all came down to what was in my bank account.
I would be very careful about helping someone with a drug addiction. Ive been stung many times. You think you can “save them” - but in reality, your just another pawn in their manipulative behaviour.
I agree about the addiction.
That doesn’t apply to the friend I’m talking about,
But my husband gives a good chunk of money to his meth addicted cousin.
He says it’s for this and that, but we know it’s for meth.
Used to pay us back, even if it took a long time.
Now he hasn’t paid in a very long time.
That’s a difficult situation to manage too.
Yeah sure. I was talking personal about a woman i know.
Short answer. No. Longer answer: Hell no.
IF you are lucky you may plant a seed that could take years to grow.
And possibly at the cost of a friendship.
I agree with @Naarai that some people have to hit rock bottom. I had to hit rock bottom myself before gettinf help for my MI
There is a saying. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
This is what I’ve been worried about the whole time.
She keeps making bad decision after bad decision and if I call her out, like for real,
I don’t know what would happen.
We’ve been besties since 8th grade, but we’re talking about her life and how she’s dealing with MS.
It’s very difficult.
I just want her to take treatment seriously and cut ties with people that are using her.
Seems simple but it’s a nightmare.
You cant force them. I assume they have mental capacity. Let them make mistakes and get on with it. Your just going to get frustrated with them. If they are not daft, they will learn.
If you help a person once that is great bc they will remember you the next time they need help.
It is a give a man a fish to eat or teach them to go fishing type of thing.
I used to help people but after being used and manipulated for too long by cheap and lazy people I say F them.
-S
If their mistakes are hurting you just be up front about it and say that you will have to end the relationship if changes don’t happen. You don’t have to be on the receiving end of abuse because of someone else’s problems.
I think you can.
A lot of times there are reasons behind actions/inaction.
When someone is going through something rough there’s always going to be negative emotions such as anxiety and depression. Those things can be hard to handle when someone is on the front lines.
Sometimes people need time to sit with those feelings in order to properly process and handle them.
You have to also keep in mind you can’t see the entire picture.
Something may seem to be a quick easy simple fix in your eyes, but to them there might be reasons why they can’t/won’t that you might never know or understand why.
Getting a diagnosis like this can be devastating. Especially with how unpredictable MS can be. Your friend may very well be grieving for herself.
As for if you can help the answer is yes. You can be there as support. Listening to her problems and letting her know she’s not alone can be the best thing you can do.
Take the time to try and understand her feelings about the situation and try to see things from her point of view
Suggestions can be good sometimes, but sometimes they can have an adverse effect. Not that suggestions are always bad but sometimes they can come across dismissive or mean or even insulting to the person you’re trying to help.
And I get how frustrating it can be. I have a friend who struggles to help herself and it can be infuriating. Especially when I’ve suggested things that in my point of view would help her drastically.
But I realized that at the end of the day she will have to take those steps herself. I can still support her, and offer to help. Though I did have to set some boundaries.
You can always help people maybe just not in the ways you want, you can only do so much
I think some advice just isn’t for everyone. We are all unique.
Having said that, there are ppl who don’t change.
There’s a reason for it, we might just not know.
I wouldn’t be too hard on them.
I would have a listening ear but set boundaries where appropriate.
Ppl need to have freedom to sometimes learn on their own too. Through several mistakes
My mother-in-law is FINALLY moving to the lodge. My wife broke down and took my advice to stop enabling her, but only after her mother damaged her mentally and also our finances. Funny how mom moved when she realized that people weren’t going to accommodate her unreasonable demands to stay on the farm when she was no longer healthy enough to do so.
Tough love is usually the best love.
I think it’s ok to tell your friend you want to have a sit down and talk. Ask her to listen until you’re done talking. Let her know what you’re thinking and feeling as well as how it affects you. Then have an open calm discussion about it. But I wouldn’t continue to bring it up after that. Hopefully, she at least makes changes on things that affect you. If not, you should get some distance between you, such as phone calls less often.
I have been trying to help my brother with his alcohol issues but he doesn’t see the issue … If he doesn’t care about his health… I’m not gonna stop caring about mine … I just have to let him be. To answer your question you can’t help someone who isn’t ready to help themselves.
In Greece they say
that you can take a horse
to the river but
you can’t force it to drink
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