Can the meds take more than a year to help?

i am tired spiritually to fight, not so much physically… maybe i shouldn’t have posted here my story with my father but yes, he was beatening to death my mother and my sister…

@Anna1 I am a boy. Your father seems like a bad person.
Regardless, he is not even alive at the moment.
Further, I wouldn’t blame him for your MI.
I love my parents despite the fact that my disease is probably genetic,
or at least has a huge genetic component.
I love them because they created me, plus, they are good people.
So your dad may have passed on some genes, but I think that your dad made a great thing
by creating you, you’re such a lovely person!
Don’t listen to your mother that says you won’t recover and stay optimistic. Keep fighting.
With love, Erez.

yeah but its hard to have the guilt of your father on your shoulders. my mother says that i look like him in my attitude… so i feel guilty i guess. and maybe paranoid because of this idk…

@Anna1

Sounds like my late father. Do you remember when we spoke to each other on the forum about our experiences of being sexually abused? You really helped me that day. I told you about my flashbacks, and you told me that you also experienced flashbacks.

Have you been having flashbacks lately?

i was abused by the boyfriend of my sister in fact when i was 6. not by my father… and since then, when i meet somebody who looked like him physically i was just disgusted. the problem is that lots of people were looking like this pedophile of mine, almost every guy with blue eyes in my stupid head… its more an obsessive thought for me than a flashback. and i guess, the meds are no help for these thoughts. i try to dont think about that in fact, i am not sure if its the right way :slight_smile: or maybe there is a small progress on it yeap :slight_smile: i am less hateful now i find :slight_smile:
your father was beatening you, is that right? gosh, maybe it hurted us more than we think. but yes, we were fragile maybe. but i think that my father was a beated kid also :cry:

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@Anna1

Yeah, you remember. My father was beating me, and introduced me to a man that repeatedly raped me.

It’s difficult, isn’t it. I guess you’re right that it gets a little easier as time goes by. I just want to say thank you for helping me, and I hope you feel better soon. :heart:

yeah, its difficult… i am sorry for you… erez cant understand i guess. do you think that i suffer a lot from this guilt because everybody thinks that my father was bad? in fact, i am really jealous of my other sz friend who makes a lot of things with her life and she was the princess of her father. nothing like this in my case. and i even dont want to see her sometimes because she didn’t know what i saw in my family…
do you feel better now kindness? and a bit more normal too? :slight_smile: its my dream. just to feel something normal, not to be the forever freak of the company…

I fight but I have rational objections about its results, I do it anyways to prove that everyone is wrong and that I am right (I have this [delusional?] view of the world that everyone is wrong and evil). I don’t want to get better because I don’t want to live among them.

haha zeno, you made me laugh… you are a hater you mean? i didn’t get this… everybody evil? it happens. me i have something similar to it but it oscilates in my case in fact. sometimes i think that everybody is here in order to help me. i am dumb i know. but i can hate the others too…

@Anna1

I’m sorry for all that you’ve went through, and, in a way, continue to go through.

I’m getting better. It’s a journey. But I can tell you with certainty that it does get better and you’ll eventually feel normal. You’re not a freak; you’re a beautiful person. Never forget that.

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i feel less like a freak yes, i lied. i try to love myself now but i just feel strange sometimes you know kindness. and my mother who keeps saying that ill never recover… but it will take years probably to feel better if i want it isn’t it kindness? you too, you were young. we are in the same both in a way…

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@Anna1

Yeah, it’s a life-long journey to recovery.

We’re in the same boat, and sometimes the seas get rough, but we’ll make it to calm water.

yeah but i was meaning that i dont do nothing with my life anymore. i cant wait anymore, i am 35 years old you see. and the tempo with which i am going through my life now is slow, really slow i mean. my head is a mess today. maybe its normal when you are on an ap… you are a free symptom now kindness in fact? or maybe its too much to want to be like this when you have sz? it was just my question…

@Anna1

No, I’m not symptom-free. My AP (Seroquel) doesn’t seem to working very well (I’ve tried them all), but I think the receptors get worn out over time. You may not need to change from Zyprexa. Ask your pdoc if it’s okay to take a 1 or 2 day break, then start again. It’s just an idea. Check with pdoc.

It’s so frustrating, isn’t it?

no, no, i guess its my loneliness who makes me crazier than i am. i used to live alone 20 years ago in fact. my mom lives in the same building but not in the same apartment so i am alone often and i get mad because of this i guess. i find Zyprexa good enough but maybe i need other things yes. my only friend is ill and i guess she is not nice with me always, this is hard too…
what to tell on you on meds? yes, me too i tried all the aps on the market. but there is new ones who are coming.

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@Anna1

Yeah, no med will help loneliness. I know it’s difficult to go outside, but I think it’s necessary.

Look, you’re optimistic! Yes, there will be new meds that will help.

You have helped me again. I hope I’ve helped you even if a little. I’m going to take a little break, but I do want to say thank you, Anna1. :heart:

yeap you helped me. i felt better. but still, i ruined my life and idk if i can regain it again. its always really a bad prognosis after so much time spent in the illness.
hugs kindness :slight_smile:

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Couple of things here: if it is terrible without zyprexa and depakote, you are feeling improvement from your meds.

But also, if the main issue is borderline (or any other personality disorder), the main source of relief for you is going to be therapy and forcing yourself to change your habits. Meds will not solve all your problems, even if they do provide some necessary relief to you.

Personality disorders require a good deal of effort on your part to challenge the destructive patterns you fall into. Waiting for meds to fix the issues just means you’ll keep feeling how you’re feeling.

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ok, thank you rhubot. idk, maybe i am just schizophrenic with mostly negative symptoms. my mom says that they are all one all the mental illnesses… the best maybe is to change myself? how about the fact that i cant think really well? i am not in touch with the reality i find… just some damn thoughts in my mind even thought that their have their truth in a way…

I know your mom doesn’t think much of therapy, but it can really help. You say your pdoc is putting pressure on you to make changes, so see if your pdoc has some ideas about how you can do it. Small steps are the way to go, but often we need help figuring out what those small steps should be and how to take them.

hugs BPD is a tough diagnosis, one where meds help a little but they can’t fix it. It requires a lot of work and a lot of fighting. I wish you all the best in your fight.

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