Hello, I’m a 18 year old male. I’ve been living with symptoms for about 5 years now and have always chalked them up to OCD but recently I’ve been wondering if maybe I just have a partial case of shizophrenia or something . I have been in medication for OCD and anxiety before with little results. I’ve always been to embarrassed to discuss my symptoms in full because some of them are just off the wall bizarre to explain to somebody. I’ll make a list of my symptoms, being completely honest about them and if somebody can tell me what they think (schizophrenia, OCD, whatever) I’d be much obliged. First I should mention that I never really noticed any of these symptoms until I was 13. Ever since then they’ve become progressively worse to the point where they’ve stabilized and our bearable (most of the time) but are still a huge annoyance.
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I hear more or less a voice in my head that narrates my actions. Like I’ll tell myself “im eating this chicken” or whatever I’m doing.
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When something happens that could make me angry I tell myself “I’m not mad, I don’t care”.
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This ones really hard to explain but I tell myself that I won’t “take things for people” like I’ll think of something bad that could happen to somebody and I have to repeat to myself in my head " Fu(k no I wouldent take it for that person if they got hurt" or something. Basically I have to convince myself that I won’t take things that happen to other people as if that were possible (which I know it isn’t but I have to reassure myself).
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I have to flip light switches multiple times sometimes and touch things multiple times until I get it right.
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I repeat a set of mantras in my head, more so when I’m stressed out.
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Sometimes I have to look at something a weird way or look to the side if I suddenly feel like it.
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I am very unsympathetic towards others,I’m have a lot of friends and I care about my friends and family but it’s still very hard for me to share emotions. My girlfriend and I broke up last week and I started to cry and then I repeated to myself that I didn’t care about her and crying so for the weak and I immediately stopped crying and didn’t care about the situation.
I can tolerate these symptoms but sometimes they become so overbearing it’s like you just wanna lay down and forget about it. I just wish I knew what these were systems of.
Thanks for you time and answers!!!