Breaks with reality

Lately I’ve been having problems with reality. It’s followed me through Latuda back to Geodon. I’m on Geodon, Buspar, Lamictal, and Viibryd now. In other words you would think I was medicated out of my mind if you didn’t see me function (except during these. All I do when this happens is lay in bed and try to sleep. Or shower if I am stinky. But I usually lay there for a long, long time.) The only thing I’m on that has stayed with me since this has started is Lamictal.
My break with reality is when I start “believing” (as in my brain is trying to tell me this is happening but my conscious is prepared for this and knows better.) that 2D objects (like the type on an M&M’s wrapper) is 3D. I also become obsessed with circles. Especially the circles on the top of i s. I want them to be square and I feel weird when they either aren’t or I feel like they aren’t. My brain feels boggled, like it doesn’t even know what is going on and I feel like my eyes are operating independently and exist independently.
I don’t hear things (voices in my head or just fictional noises around me), I don’t see anything that isn’t real, I just perceive it in the wrong way. Like when two wires touch the negative side of the battery but also the light bulb. The wires are there, they are technically touching both the battery and the bulb, but because there is no wire touching the positive side, nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t flow so the bulb doesn’t light up.
My doctor called it something like “a break from reality”. Aunt M (who used to be a social worker at a hospital so she knows a lot about this and physical problems) told my Mom I need to get out and “get aa different atmosphere”. Hahahahahaha you wish… I’m getting dinner in my room and taking it to my dorm lobby! I am NOT wandering around campus when I feel like my grip on reality is fragile. Technically a different atmosphere. I’ve made it back to my room before, but not at my worst. I usually get back before then. I’m not wandering around waiting for the real snap (the possibilities are endless here) that could happen. NOPE.
But what is going on here? I don’t know what “break from reality” means? Wouldn’t that be if I started perciving a whole new world? I didn’t talk to the emergency doctor about it or my doctor over the phone because they charge you if you take up a lot of time (makes sense to me. Otherwise people would just delay their appointments indefinitely and just call in whenever they had a problem).

I have close to almost completely lacking in depth perception. With great difficulty I can view the world in 3D but my view is usually curtained in disbelief. I remember when I was about 4, looking from the dinner table at the others at the table, my mom serving the food up, the tables, chairs, kitchen appliances, the walls the room itself and I thought, “How could this be? How could we have so much?” My parents were very sick people and I knew enough about money to know one has to be able and work for it. So, I closed that perception out as incomprehensible and continued my life with a don’t ask, don’t tell attitude. How my parents got their money, I didn’t want to think about. As far as I know, now, the answer is ugly, too ugly for me to post about yet.

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My breaks with reality used to be very vivid. I had no coping tools so what I was seeing and hearing… was very real to me. I had no way to reality check. I look back on some of those incidents now and cringe.

A minor one that I’ve long forgiven myself for… there was a family gathering at some posh golf club with a pool. I was tired, stressed, just out of hospital. I was hiding in the coat room asking my sis to sneak drinks back to me. As I was peeking out, some tiki torch fell over… and in my head, I was 100% convinced it caught my sis on fire.

I was seeing her on fire. I could smell the fire, I was really panicked that this tiki torch set my sis on fire. So I ran out and threw her in the pool.


Break with reality like the mind takes reality but forgets the check. I’ve had many over the years it’s due to questionable medication I think. It was scary walking thru the woods one time in bear country I lost my bearings (no pun) but was lucky to have seen a woman hiker that I talked to she lead me back. Being lost in woods while having a break can be life threatening.

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I’m glad you found that hiker.

By my parents house is a park with a small stand of tress. It’s not a forest, it’s more like three house lots of tress just thickly planted. I was having a break with reality and got lost in there for hours, with my mind getting ever more detached. My brother had to come in and get me out.

My break with reality happened when I was working as a librarian. I took the whole box of keys and wandered out of the library onto the road clutching it tightly infront of me like it was some religious object and I was on a pilgrimage.

Geez. Can’t think what I was doing back then!

So I don’t understand. I there degrees of breaks? I don’t feel like I have left everything completely… I just feel like what I am seeing isn’t real (even though, when I come back out of it and look at something I see the same thing). So I am sensing reality correctly, it’s just that I don’t believe what is real is real, even though I can see it. I don’t trust it if I can’t touch it. Is the next step to see things?

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I don’t know how it is for everyone, but for me there are degrees. There are sometimes when I’m just seeing something out of the corner of my eye and it bugs me. There are a few that I find later that I wasn’t in reality at all.

The most common is what my sis calls “The fire drill”

I wake up and the apartment is on fire. I can hear it, smell it, see it. I feel the burning again, taste the ash in the air, feel the choking heat, the lack of air. I run into my kid sisters room, pull her out of bed and turn the garden hose on her. In the old place, I’ve even called 911. It’s there, I am back in the house fire again, as real as it was when I was 14 and she was 3.

The weird thing is… when this happens, a weird mental thing hits both of us. She knows exactly what is happening in my head because she was in the fire too. She says her burn scars hurt after I have one of these breaks.

But there are some breaks that I can sort of look at and with my sisters help, talk myself down from. Faces coming out of the walls? I just touch the walls and when I don’t feel a face, I’m Ok.

As I sit here and think about it, if a misperception happens with only one sense then I can get over it. If I SEE something as being wrong, but my tactile can argue that, then I’ve got some anchor back into lucid.

If a misperception hits ALL the senses then I can’t get over it and I believe what I’m seeing, smelling, hearing, feeling, tasting, there is no sense left to disagree and help me get out of it. If that makes sense.

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big hugs for everyone…this disease can be so debilitating…(spelling) i wish i could do more…

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I guess I’m a much bigger wuss than anyone here. :confused: Things just stop SEEMING real and I loose my stuff and am room bound for the rest of the evening/day.

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@onceapoet You are not the only one. I have been having serious issues lately. And after 2 years of being able to handle this on my own without meds or a shrink … i am now in a position where I need help. I really thought I was getting better.

“sorry…out of my mind…be back in five minutes !”
take care