It’s a tough time yeah… but soon you’ll graduate University and then you can give back to your parents then.
Maybe it’s not their time yet.
No it’s like, I have a disability. That would mean that my mom is my primary caregiver. Which means she would have to take care of me. I want to stop burdening her.
That’s something you can’t control. It is not your fault.
But I can control my family’s fate. Which is me dying and freeing them from the struggle
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No you can’t.
Because your part of that fate.
If your one day gone, disappear like you say it would free them it doesn’t.
They will just blame themselves for not taking care you more. And feel guilty that they couldn’t help you.
I don’t know…maybe hating myself would make me atone for what I’ve done.
This is all my fault.
I don’t know, why am I such a piece of ■■■■? I can’t die, but I have to live…then they would have to take care of me. Why? Why am I such a trash?
They suffer because of me. They don’t deserve that ■■■■
One time when I was homeless on the street. My eyes were infected and I have a terrible vision…
I was completely hopeless and suicidal.
This traveling priest was talking to me. And I said “I can t see and I don’t know what to do.”
He told me “look at that pigeon… he is just living”
And told me it’s not my fault.
The pigeon flies all around the world. Looking for worms and peanuts. That’s it’s life. He keeps on looking.
I mean I eventually got hold of a government phone and I could contact my parents, and that’s where I’m at… but! There has to be a way out!
I believe it! And I keep living.
You should keep looking. Looking for way to give back to your parents, and you will find it!
Don’t think too much keep living!
I know I’m just living, but I’m not even sure if I’m much of a help.
I’m glad that the priest said that- I’m glad you’re still here.
I just punched my picture with a knife. That kind of made me feel better…but it hurts that I have to do this to make myself feel better
I’m sorry you had to do that…
I have to literally do shadow boxing to get my irritability and pent up energy out… in the rain loll I think I’ve caught a cold from that hahahha
And walking… I look at it as rehabilitation, as working out.
You said you have a nice park near by to exercise. That is nice
I wish I can walk more, but my disability is getting worse. It really sucks.
Right now I can’t have any other outlet than self-loathing by punching my own pictures.
I hate myself more than anything.
I know we are just people on the internet, but we’re real people on this forum. And we care for you. We love you.
How about change the scenery a bit and watch some Olympics?
Right now their showing this sport climbing event, and it’s fun 
I think it’s Korea after this Japanese person
Seo Chehyon? She’s skinny but she’s fast!
People who made those bouldering questions should get their lives together. These were hardest questions I’ve ever seen. I used to do bouldering myself (along with lead) and these were extremely difficult.
Thank you for your help. I know I’m really stubborn when it comes with my trauma and guilt.
That is very impressive… very talented person you are aren’t ya😶
It’s quite alright! I have those moments also.
Lol I don’t go far with bouldering. I always fall in like a minute.
But I used to love lead. I used to do it all the time when I used to climb. I wish my legs work again so that I can climb again hehe
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