Hey amigos: I’ll preface this by saying that I have several types of thought patterns I find irregular and not matching my previous life or history. Many I find uncomfortable but there is another that I wonder may be.
As for the uncomfortable ones, so you have a sense of where I’m coming from, one is an auditory hallucination in which internal thoughts seem to take a verbal form when I hear white or mechanical noise, like papers rustling or the air conditioner blowing. Example: Imagine crumpling waste paper and thinking about the upcoming election, in a general sense. Then, in your “crumple sound,” you might hear the word, “register,” or “election.” So not always directive but often on point to your internal dialogue. Generally happens when I’m stressed, doesn’t happen when my mind is occupied by a task. This is one of the symptoms that convinces me that I have prodromal schizophrenia. The experts who I’ve spoken to don’t yet agree. There are other symptoms as well (similarly “light” but persistently annoying, like observing the movements that my body makes mimicing sounds at a granular, some indiscernable level). Physician says “affective disorder,” social worker said “I don’t know,” psychotherapist says “perhaps OCD,” and psychiatrist says, “not schizophrenia but “psychosis-NOS” (“not otherwise specified”). Both the physician and the psychiatrist recommend a course of medication, the psychiatrist is recommending more dosage. Haven’t started, want to get more medical opinions.
So that’s the background; the pattern I wish to discuss is different than those above; it is something like an intuition that I’ve either cultivated to work extra fast, or have convinced myself that I’ve done so. So when I am in a coffeeshop or bar and encounter body language from strangers, I might engage a quick thought pattern in which I ask myself (do you trust this person? No. Is this person into you? Yes, etc.) I just don’t remember doing this before and now I do it. People don’t seem to notice but I wonder if this kind of thought pattern is actually helpful? In other words in may not be psychotic; it may be healthy and a “strength” - just hard to see given the murkiness created by the first set of symptoms described.
Any suggestions or input most welcome. Thanks all!