No matter what meds I have tried some thoughts/ideas never seem to go away. For instance if there is a car parked outside that I don’t recognize I immediately feel I am under surveillance. I usually wait till night time then, under the cover of darkness, I go out and inspect the vehicle. I look for cameras, microphones and blacked out windows. I even take down its registration and look it up online.
Thing is despite these behaviours I am not necessarily distressed. I mean I was at first years ago. In fact these bizarre ideas led to a suicide attempt. But now thanks to the right meds this activity doesn’t really bother me.
Yet I still do it.
I think these actions are maladapted behaviours which are pretty fixed. As well as SZ I also have an obsessional disorder. It could be something to do with that. That there is something protective about performing this counter surveillance operations - that something bad will happen if I don’t do them.
Well… I still believe there is a man called Alien who lives in my head and another female being as well, who defends me against Alien’s accusations, but their voices have been quiet for over two months now. Nevertheless, they are still there waiting for their chance one day when I feel vulnerable. Luckily the meds have stifled their activity, but not my belief that they are there, just that I don’t think about it so much, I forget about them because they don’t speak to me as they do when I am having an episode.
My paranoia always get the best of me, even when heavily medicated.
I sometimes have the delusion that others are trying to drug my food - especially strangers and other family members etc…
Whenever I see a van, I get suspicious - especially when it is parked by my house
I know they are wrong so I’m hoping eventually my mind will change. It’s just how I’ve learned to process things. They are part of my frame of mind. These things take time.
I’m sorry but could you please explain more about the ones you get about family drugging your food. Since you say that you are medicated, do you realize that it’s a delusion or do you honestly believe at that moment that it is true?
It seems to be a fixed delusion or idea - that others could be trying to drug my food - It is more of a fear - but its constant.
Not so much with close family members - but more distant ones.
When medicated I realize that it could be a delusion, when not properly medicated it becomes a full blown delusion
Thank you for replying:) I appreciate it. I was curious about delusions that persisted despite meds. I’m hoping my ex-fiance will one day get treatment. He has delusions of me harming him. That’s why I asked you since you have similar ones about family.
I hope you continue to get better.
I had unusual paranoid reactions to similar situations and had to do some reality checks like removing the vent covers or a mirror or two looking for surveillance bugs and or those pin hole cameras. Delusions I find are easy to believe as we incorporate almost everything we experience into supporting them as being that reality we intend it to become.
It’s like waiting for God to return. He will before I die or he won’t . The fact that if I die, doesn’t prove one way or another to me if he’s going to save the world or what. The medications help with settling the paranoid delusion I might be having. They kind of put them on the back burner so I can focus on getting more done. Like getting a life for real. I have a cell phone already.lol
Not really distressing, but I feel that there’s a camera in my tv and one on the telephone pole outside. Hidden cameras would be an enduring theme for me.
I have gotten fixated on kidnappers when I was younger, and to this day I still have to fight off that feeling that kidnappers are after my family.
I’m doing better, but it’s a hard one to shake.
There is persistent idea that I can tell the future as well. I can’t… but when I guess lucky or too many “coincidences” line up, I’m sure it’s deja vu and my predictions will soon come true.
There are a few other small ones I’ve been trying to get over… and no matter how much I work on them… they won’t let go. But it’s a quiet thing that doesn’t hinder my day
Thinking I am the Chosen one or Jesus Christ, sometimes I convince myself I’m not…but then I say “When I’m 60-70 years old I’ll be a wise old man and people will listen to what I have to say about enlightenment and whatnot.”
It’s tough delusional to get rid of and I live in vain somewhat as a result…but it’s manageable.
I’m reading this book “The way of the Shaman” right now and I’m also reading “Don Juan”…another book about shamanism. If I could be anything I’d be amazonian or native american shaman. I think it’s cool how they use plants and drugs and look into your soul and then heal you and whatnot. And Buddha’s are cool…i’ve read lots on buddhism and spirituality. It’s what I enjoy to read…even when the delusion is gone.
The reason I picked Jesus is because I’m half Jewish and my name starts with a J. And other coincidences like my birth being a “miracle”. I feel I was isolated from the world though at childhood like Gautama Siddhartha was and then when I became sick I went through asylums and rehabs and met people after previously being uncorrupted so that makes me like the idea of Buddha too
I just have beliefs I’m a religious figure. Who’s to stop me??? But it’s not seeking the Buddha that makes you Buddha, it’s the opposite. Go forward and go backwards at the same time. Stay in the present moment. Which is tough… But I don’t desire to be the Buddha, but maybe that’s what makes me The Buddha??? jk but no really. Take care
There was the psychiatrist that kept reminding me I was in Denmark. I would pace in the utility room and he would ask me questions, there were hostile times, and friendly times.
There was a sort of ubiquitous form of nurses, to the point where you can’t take off your sweatshirt until twenty minutes passes because you’re aware that they are there.
