While doing my analysis of what goes on in my own mind, and sometimes analyzing things I see on here, I came up with this idea.
I now view schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder as a disorder of the way the subconscious mind, preconscious mind, and conscious mind interact with each other. Example: A person with SZ feels bad about himself, hates himself deep inside. Although consciously he is trying to be his own ally, take care of himself, better his life; from the subconscious come those feelings of low self esteem or self hatred. Those emotions present as a hallucination, typically voices, and not so friendly ones. Self-criticism comes out in this manner, too. The individual may not be aware of having these feelings at that moment, but they are trapped in his split mind.
“Subconscious Imagination” I’ve had images push their way into my mind, sometimes as visual hallucinations. Wild faces, absurd irrelevant images. I’ve had so many different voices. I’m not conscious of this stuff usually. The auditory, I learned to harness consciously and manipulate, but I am not consciously choosing the voice sometimes. It all comes from subconscious imagination. I’ve had wild stuff while unmedicated, such as a sensation of headphones jumping on my head, and a bizarre impression of balloons blowing up inside my head. My conscious imagination is more grounded in reality. I’ve had stuff that crosses the lines between senses.
It is absolutely confounding, the stuff that comes out of my own mind!
I sometimes hear coworkers saying negative things about me. I know it’s not real. Recently, I have had that go on when I’m NOT depressed and paranoid and having any self esteem issues. What’s up with that? Analyze THAT, Poser! Ha ha ha.