I had a freak out today where I was hearing voices calling me names and telling me to off myself so I flipped out on my girlfriend because I was scared and we’re fine now because she knows about my illness but I wish I could control myself in those moments. I really feel like I can’t loose control. Any suggestions?
I used to freak out all the time on my first girlfriend. Ultimately, it led to us mutually parting. My psychosis literally tore our relationship in two, because, like you, I had no control…
When you’re freaking out like that, it’s virtually impossible to control yourself.
I would suggest avoiding your girlfriend when you’re freaking out like that. That way you don’t end up inadvertently hurting her. It’s really hard on your partner, and after a while it can prove to be totally devastating to the relationship.
Try to find an alternative outlet to release yourself. Drawing perhaps? Even if it’s just scribble.
A video game, a movie, a walk, a run, a punching bag, something that would get out all that chaotic energy in a safe, but effective way. That might just be something you prefer doing in your leisure time anyway.
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Thats what I think will happen to us and I love her so I don not want tohat to happen. Im sorry you went through that. I do all of those in my leisure time but I dont possibly know how I could do that when im so distracted by voices.
I’m not in a relationship, but live with my parents. When I’m in a bad mood like that I often just tell them, my voices are bad and I need to go be alone and they usually let me be for a while. Sometimes the best and safest thing is to find a safe quiet place to let the crazies run through you and not influence the relationships around you. If if you don’t do anything sometimes I just have to sit there and listen and most of the time I either get a break in the voices and they stop all together or I can find away distract myself and ignore them until they go away.
I know it’s a hard thing to do, but it’s better than saying or doing something you can’t take back. Even if you are having a psychotic episode, words/actions can hurt more than the person lets on. They may be trying to ignore their hurt because they know you’re not in control of whats happening, but deep down they’ll always wonder if some part of you believes what you are saying.
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My girl stuck it out with me for 3 years, because she was extremely devoted and loyal to me. However, my psychosis manifested in many abusive ways that only got worse with time.
I feel like a sh^thead for how I treated her now, but one thing the experience taught me is that once you become habituated to using another person as a metaphorical punching bag, even if unintentionally, it’s a hard thing to break. Not to mention it leads to all kinds of other problems you definitely do not want or need in addition.
You don’t want to get trapped in that cycle, which is why the biggest suggestion I could give, for the sake of your relationship, is to avoid her when your mind is spinning out of control like that.
Like sohare said, find a good, quiet place to just let it all out in whatever way that works best for you, so that you don’t hurt her or anyone else around you. Finding an effective outlet might take some personal experimentation.
One thing I used to do, when I journaled a lot, was write down what was I hearing. I felt possessed as I wrote, and the writing itself was outrageous and completely illegible. Nevertheless, it did help me get things out.
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When you feel you are about to freak out, grab a journal and just write down everything that’s going through your head. When you’re about to break down it’s like lighting in you, the lightning has to touch down somewhere, and if a person is the closest thing it will strike the person. Use your journal as a lightning rod, if that makes sense.
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I’m normally composed while on meds. But I remember freaking out at a family gathering and storming off in a huff, while I was off meds. I haven’t been off meds since.
I’m sure they all still remember. I feel like I suffered reputational damage as a result.
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Thank you guys for all of your lovely tips. I forgot to take my meds the night before but still feel a bit crazed even when Im on them so Im going to take your advice and go to a place all alone. Its working today Im just listening to music and blocking evrything out.
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I would talk to someone about a med adjustment if it were me. It seems like being a little more medicated would be better than being alone or worse, hurting her. And who knows? Maybe there is a better drug for you, altogether.
Also, if you aren’t already exercising, you might want to start and try to build up to a fair amount of time each day. I have a lot of rage/anxiety/energy and this helps me wear myself out so those problems aren’t as acute.
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Im not sure, it may be my fault because I skip doses of certain meds not knowing what it will do. Exercise sounds like a good option, I do skateboard maybe ill start again, I just limit exercising beause I have an electrical problem with my heart but I think I will exercise a little bit more then I do. Thanks. I am definitley a rager at times.