Ok, some were tough on me on that… I really think, that i was insensitive, unable to feel deep eotions, disconnected from the humanity in me 
…
Its hard… My vision of the reality, my thinking about the life was screwed up around that… I had even hatred, anger etc…
Ok, i now its up to forgive to myself, but maybe some wont never pardon me… My mother says, that my father was castrated from feelings, so am i… My behaviour even was a bit like i dont care even around the pain of some others, in fact i was just dealing with a hellish internal world, my somatics around that, my fear , which was telling me only one thing in my head - to run…
Its real hard folks… Maybe even my family couldnt love me really because of that… I really had many critics that i am doing it badly, but maybe it was even necessary…
Ive spent 20 years between 4 walls mainly… I even dont know yet which person i like, which food, which music… This lack of soul stole me everything… and i am sick like that since kid… never saw nothing much in life… not even a proper kiss from a boy, i couldnt touch the boys, physically even, cause i was shaking inside of me…
anyway… Some others who got worse on their feelings too? This is common in sz?
Yeap, my ill friend told me, that in our case, they found our illness quite lately, so thats why we dont get better much more now… But idk how i’ll live… Ive just repetaed the schema of my psycho dad, who destroyed our freedom, health, happiness and family…
Does the emotions die more in the later stages of sz? if so, i got it to this point yeap…
I didn’t even before the sz.
You are a partner here, my dear! 
Me too, no big emotions before the dx and the meds too… I started to fade since a kid, very early in fact. Later, i just turned crazy… My reasonement about the life got wrong and bad too…
You know, i wonder if one of my pdocs was right… Thats i’ll recover on years on zyprexa? I was severe, plus my psyche psychologically was screwed up too… I have this somatic disorder too… Its basically, that my emotions come in somatic form still, but its the ugly way to come out after ive oppressed for long myself, my me, my feelings, my mind… Hard thing…
Do you find that the aps kill a bit the emotions? I hope not if its the right med, but i cant be sure…
Fight aziz, the negative szs are in deep pain too, you seem to me changing too in fact lol, maybe this forum helps us lol, am grateful for it tbh 
Hugs
I don’t have anger issues anymore so reduced my meds from 5 to 3mg. Its been a week and I feel no difference, still no emotions. I shouldn’t expect emotions as I never had them in my life even before the sz.
Everyone can morph if he wants it… Believe me, i am on that struggle now… They even say, that ''in order to heal, you must feel"… And we can get healthier mentally believe me…
dont take yourself as a lost cause, pls… Me, it still can hurt me so much, that i am losing my mind and body…
But the soul is like a bowl, it can be filled with emotions… you need distractions as me… and fun too… calm too maybe…
I was probably a psycho, but i start to feel something, its doable, many were as you and me and got better, this is the truth, aziz…
For who else the emotions died a bit in his illness?
Ive had few emotions even before the meds and the dx… i felt like a psycho because of that and was scared, that all my beloved ones will judge me on that, as insensitive, as soulless etc etc I even lived myself as not deserving any kind of love, cause i am just a robot… 
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