My friend asked me to go with them to an AA meeting, because they are afraid to go alone. I do not drink, but I am also not an alcoholic, so I wanted to ask our veteran AA members the best way to be supportive. It is an open group, so nonalcoholics are allowed.
I would love to know what I should expect, whether I should stay silent the whole time, what the common etiquette is, and such. Thanks to anyone who can help.
Normally in an AA meeting they are a friendly bunch. If its your first time, just chill and hear the life stories of the speaker. Don’t feel obligated to talk. Usually its all very relaxed.
The etiquette is don’t reference anyone else in the group. Like if someone shares a story you don’t reference it or them in what you’re saying. This is called “cross talk”.
It’s perfectly acceptable for you and your friend to stay silent throughout it.
I wish your friend best of luck.
Be prepared for some religion, possible stories about abuse, and various other triggers. Don’t lend anyone money or give out your contact info lightly as you could get phone calls at unsociable hours.
For supporting your friend, they might want to rush to find a sponsor, but it is good to wait.
Yes. AA meetings are for AA members to share with each other. You are welcome to attend in support and listen. Friends and family of AAs have Al-Anon meetings for their own sharing.
Thank you to everyone. This was the exact info I needed. Heading out shortly!
Let us know how it went.
Possibly the only thing you have to say, if someone asks, “I’m just here supporting my friend.” Once the group knows that, you don’t need to share. Possibly, there’s always a chance that a speaker calls on you at random to speak so that’s what you say.
Hey guys. It ended up being a bust. Too religious for my friend. They have some difficulties with certain aspects of it, because of their past. Does anyone know of sobriety groups besides AA that might be a better fit?
I know of one. Will pm
Different AA groups have a different feel to them. I’ve heard it said that “There are no bad AA meetings” but I have been to bad AA meetings before. They’re very rare, but there is such a thing. You might get asked how much sobriety you have, and you can tell them you’re not an alcoholic, and you’re there with a friend. No one will look down on you. Just go with the flow.
Not all AA groups are like that. Different AA groups have different feels to them. But there are 12 step groups all over the place. Narcotics Anonymous “NA” might be a good fit. Different NA groups have a different feel to them. In the big cities you can find 12 step groups with over 100 people in them, or you can look around for a smaller group. Personally, I like a group of 12 - 20 people. There is also “emotions anonymous”, a 12 step group for people with no particular addiction, but who are struggling nonetheless. There is also “Over Eaters Anonymous”. If you don’t like one group, look around. You might find a group that works for you.
I found a good one that will work. It is more active, which I think will be better for my friend. They do group activities like gardening, running, and such. I think it is the sitting still for a meeting part that is hardest for them.
That’s my beef withAA I think it’s way too religious
That’s a shame that it didn’t work out. I’m an atheist and it worked for me thankfully. But the group I started with wasn’t overly pushing any religion.
So long as your friend is in a group of like-minded people who want to quit I believe that there’s a great chance they can.
I wish your friend the very best of luck.
I think it was less the “religion” aspect and more of a “i can’t stand just sitting around talking about my problems” thing.
Suggest trying a different group. Some groups will advertise that they are welcoming to agnostics and atheists if you are in a larger center. Also remember that GOD = either Group Of Drunks or Good Orderly Direction. You are under no compulsion to observe any particular religion or any religion at all - AA literature is quite clear on the issue.
Anyone who has a problem with this is to be reminded AA functions best when we work our own programs, not the programs of others. (AA way of saying SHUT THE FECK UP.)
I did the 12 steps with Russel Brand when he started a community, but I don’t know if that’s still running. But there are definitely more groups out there than just AA.
I just want to tell you that when I went sober for 8 months in AA it was the lesson of my life. I never forgot what I’d leaned from AA so when I was 34 years old I went on Antabus( a drug that makes you sick when you ingest alcohol) for 10 years. Now 20 years has past and even though I have managed to keep away from alcohol with the principles of AA. yes AA is my religion.
AA was my introduction to the effectiveness of CBT, especially in a peer support setting. AA works just fine for those who aren’t the least bit religious. To me it’s just a program of recovery.