She is a very close friend. She started as a neighbour and when she moved we kept in touch now we are dear friends.
I phone her every day. She is also neurodivergent and is on some heavy meds including zyprexa.
I usually phone later afternoon and we have a great conversation funny and affectionate.
But if I phone in the evening she always sounds under the influence. Like every single time
I know she has had battles with alcohol in the past and I worry she is back there again. She has worked so hard with her pdoc and cmht over the last couple of years to improve her major depression.
I am terrified she is gonna loose all those gains.
Like I say we are close friends. I feel it is my job to speak to her about it but I am worried I am going to deeply upset her.
A desperate part of me hopes the intoxication I pick up on on the phone may just be post zyprexa sedation. but in my heart I know that isn’t true.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with these circumstances. Thanks
Not a dumb question at all. Let your friend know you are really concerned and ask if you can arrange a visit from some people who have come out of similar situations and can help. Emphasize that it is NON-religious. This is people who have been down that hole wanting to help the next person out of it - nothing more. Not cool to send people in unannounced, but AA will be happy to send some members if the prospect is willing to listen for an hour.
Edit: Your friend won’t be asked for money and no one is ever expected to put money they don’t have into the hat that is passed at a meeting. Zero financial commitment needed.
It’s tricky. Alcoholism and schizophrenia have one thing in common: Lack of insight.
That’s why in AA meetings when you speak, you say “my name is whatever and I’m an alcoholic”.
So she could react badly to you suggesting she has an alcohol problem.
AA only works if the person goes of their own free will and have a desire to quit alcohol.
If I was in your situation, I’d make light of it to begin with
"Are you ok, you sound like you’ve had a sherry or two. " . See if you find out if she’s drinking every night. If she admits that she is, then ask her “would you like to stop?”
You have to be prepared for not being able to help her if she actually is an alcoholic.
One of my good friends is an alcoholic and she is much older than me and it’s going to start to affect your brain and her life in a serious way if she keeps drinking so she’s more seriously considering quitting and it started to see AA meetings I think that with people who really don’t like anything other than alcohol who need alcohol specifically that it may be necessary for intervention or the use of substances to help get over the physical addiction
Yes. That’s why it’s important to discuss your concerns and obtain permission for a 12-step visit. I will say in some cases that I visited people who didn’t want to quit, but who wanted to learn to manage alcohol better. I’ve seen a few come to meetings and realize that abstinence is the best way to manage it and they sobered up. I would say it’s a desire to be less sick that is important at the outset - it opens a crack that can let recovery in.
are there any local addiction groups that could offer support ? As a heavy drinker myself in the past it always made it worse when people questioned it or pestered me.