I used to self harm but then I moved onto taking pills as a way to hurt myself, I make sure I don’t take enough to die but enough to hurt myself and maybe knock me out. I just take whatever I can find in my medicine cupboard, no illegal drugs or anything too serious. But lately I think I’ve become addicted if I haven’t for a little while I get cravings to and feel desperate. One time I had to go to the doctor and take some other pills to fix my stomach lining after but that’s the worst I’ve been. I’m scared this develops into something serious. Anyone else been through something similar??
Also I started because the man who was always behind me controlled my body sometimes and made me overdose once a few years ago.
I really don’t want to die I just want to hurt myself. My psychologist is on holiday for a month so I can’t talk to him. It’s not what I’ve been prescribed though it’s usually everyday things like paracetamol and ibuprofen. Is it honestly that serious? I never thought of it as something that bad…
It is that bad. I’m currently addicted to codeine. The only codeine I can get without prescription is mixed with paracetemol at high doses.
The amount of paracetemol I am ingesting daily had already damaged my liver. A damaged liver means your other meds won’t be as effective and you can suffer more side effects from them
The worst part about paracetemol is that it leads to death by acute liver failure. A really painful way to die.
I only hope the damage I have done to myself is reversable enough so I can get on naltrexone and get this monkey off my back.
You only get one liver and stomach and you need both to live. I really hope you get help for this soon.
■■■■ this has really opened my eyes I did not think this was a big deal at all. I’m not sure if I can manage to make an appointment and go to it on my own without my parents finding out. Would it be too bad to wait till my next psychology session in a month?
Thank you so much. My grandfather is addicted to codeine too so I know what trying to stop it is like.
I just have this overwhelming urge to damage my organs by doing this. And also it’s sometimes totally out of my control as I go into a dream like state and do it then regret it afterwards, it’s like someone is controlling my body and I know who.
Hope you manage to quit and get the help you need and deserve!
This is something you should be doing today. It’s a harmful compulsion you seem unable to control. As well, you NEED for your parents to be involved – they are your primary support to prevent more of this happening, or to get you emergency medical treatment if you persist in doing this and something goes horribly wrong.
Thanks @witch. I really hope you manage to get a handle on this too.
Wanting to hurt yourself is such a sad way to live. I really hope you can get through it and see the light at the other side that you’re a good person who deserves to treat herself well.
Remember your body is your temple. We must both remember to treat it with the respect it deserves.
One time there was a bag of pills in this guy’s room where I was visiting, and I started taking those pills. I think I took ten or more of them. The guy they belonged to got kind of mad. I should have know better. It was a crazy thing to do. I shudder to think if it had been a drug like Haldol or something.
I just feel like I can’t tell them about me self harming as my cousin does too and when they found out about that they were absolutely disgusted and talked about how gross it was. Also I don’t want to stress my mum out cause she suffers from depression and anxiety and whenever I have a relapse or anything she gets more ill too which makes me feel guilty which leads to me hurting myself. It’s a vicious cycle.
I understand you. I understand the way you feel. I really do.
I also have a long long long history of overdoses. Just the reason a little bit different. I was doing this because I was hearing voices saying to me: “overdose, overdose…” over and over again. So in order to stop that I was overdosing on everything: antipsychotics, antidepressants even paracetamol… I was in coma once following one of my overdoses.
It’s a very serious problem. You must tell this to your doctor. Don’t end up like me, I still keep overdosing on pills. One day I’m gonna die. I don’t know why, but for some reason I’m waiting for that day… It’s tough mate. I’m a pill head.
Wow you’ve really given me a scare there about the coma, I’ve still been having urges but I’ve managed to keep it just to self harming recently. I just need at least one self destructive thing at all times. I send you my love and thoughts!!
i use to do this, before i tried to kill myself. the first time was an accident. i took to much vicodin and passed out. the second time was on purpose. please talk to a doctor.
I tried to kill myself several times as well. I was alright for a while no suicidal thoughts. But it came back and I feel suicidal right this moment I’m just waiting for the right moment to do this, when I’m alone and things in order no-one can save me.
I’m about to lose my best friend, I’m schizophrenic and the most important I’m unhappy in ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE. Sad init
Please do not think like that! A couple years ago I would have rather died than stayed alive. I even managed to convince myself that I was dead once and got ready for my own funeral. I know it’s so cliche but it really does get better. Nothing can be worse than when you’re in a horrible downward spiral. I’ve been in the worst place I could even imagine and now I know because I’ve learned more about myself and the help of medication I can never be that ill ever again. With the help of family, real friends, this forum and a therapist you have a winning combination to heal! I’ve posted on this forum when feeling suicidal to take my mind off it and it always helps. Please talk to us on the forum whenever you’re feeling down and we will be there to help.