Like many months I thought my goal is to write. I literally felt like it’s the only thing I can do.
This idea was born when I was psychotic. I heard voices telling me “You’re writer”
I realise now I was still… naive. Voices during psychosis shouldn’t dictate our future.
I knew most of the things I saw or heard during psychosis were not real. But this one hited differently. Yeah I am quite not bad in my native language… though not so good to be a writer. I know writing can also be partially learnt, but I don’t even feel amazing while writing.
This illness made me obsessed about idea, which is possibly simply an idea. It also made me fall in love obsessively several times.
Now I try to be more grounded and accepting. I know I can keep a job, I know I can communicate with people, but sometimes I am a bit delusional. And I can have very hard times due to my illness.
I do believe psychosis does try to tell you things, its not all completely out of context. I was really manic screaming that my family uses me to their benefit. Its now 5 years later and i still feel like this and really have to set up boundaries. For example in 4 days my cousin asked me twice to pick up kids, also help with moving. My uncle asked to watch his kids for 2 days. I really had to say no
Well, IDK. Some things during psychosis can be almost accurate, but most of them are really only delusions.
As an example - I remember back then I thought that my bf (now ex bf) was a God, creator of the whole universe: it made me do crazy things. i was obsessed about him
We clearly should accept delusions as only delusions @Rollo
Yeah maybe thats true, but i do think it comes from underlying problems which can arise
My delusions included all sorts of crazy sciency or engineering things likr satellites spying on me and reading my mind.
However, it never swayed me to go learn about science or engineering. It was already an interest
I guess what i mean to say, is perhaps writing was an interest for you before the voices ever began?
Not really. I had this idea that writing seems cool, but never for me personally. To become writer was an idea trully born during psychosis @AppleKidd
Well maybe at 11-12 y.o. I had this short-lived idea to write a book as an adult,
But nothing more than this
I see, that’s unfortunate. I guess you do have to accept it was just a phase i guess.
Do you enjoy any other hobbies that you could turn into a career?
To be very honest - not really @AppleKidd
I see, well you’re young. Im sure youll find all sorts of things! Never give up!
I agree being delusional it’s just too darn lonely for me. It’s nothing that I can really share with people.
But keeping a job is very understandable to many people and can be very respectable
I wanted to be a musician at times and I realize a lot of my creativity was mostly coming from my delusional thinking. It is not as exciting to play in a non-delusional state but I still enjoy it.
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