I got violent with my best friend while delusional, luckily they understood what was happening and I am forever grateful that they stood by me afterwards.
I still feel lots of guilt about it, but luckily never had the police involved.
I am sorry that happened to you, I hope you are doing much better now.
I definitely feel you on the experiment. Especially since I am pretty much always convinced I am being watched.
Someone has to be having a laugh at my expense.
My acceptance of my psychosis coincided with a lessening of it. It was about three years in, 2017 that I started to come down. I joined this forum in 2018 and by the end of that year was no longer psychotic with any regularity. I haven’t experienced psychosis since, although I still do hear voices. Some on this site say that if you hear voices that means psychosis, but hallucinations are a separate symptom from delusions and paranoia, you can have one without the other.
I attribute my getting better to finding the right medicine, for me it’s low dose Zyprexa.
I’m still in denial. All of my delusions are FAR too big to be a mere coincidence. I know I’m wrong but afraid I will get hurt if I’m not paying attention to my delusions
Thanks. I’m just grateful I’m out of that situation and getting help and treatment. I thought if you are not guilty (due to mental illness), people aren’t supposed to hold it against you. I waived a jury trial and had a bench trial before a judge.
I was involuntarily admitted to the psychiatric hospital for evaluation and possible treatment though.
All of that makes sense to me. I have been struggling so much less with psychosis by being medication compliant and actually targeting this stuff in therapy. I would also say I can have hallucinations while I am not “actively” psychotic. I can tell because I can know they are hallucinations, if I am doing decent otherwise. I can tell because I believe my words I’m writing here are coherent and lucid.
What I really struggle with now is the other end of things, feeling like a shell of myself or unable to really do anything. Even different than depression which I’ve had severe episodes of. I don’t know anymore really.
People find it very hard to empathize with something they will never be able to understand, is my experience.
Unfortunately, you don’t have to be guilty of anything for people to judge you, especially for your illness.
Wow I have been in that exact frame of mind, still am to an extent. I can’t fully let go of certain delusions, even though right now I can I guess “logically” know it doesn’t make any sense. This was not true in the past, I ALWAYS believed them.
I hope you can find relief 
You deserve it.
what does synchronization mean to you?
I’m just afraid of getting hurt.
Everyone is! I don’t mean to discount how you feel at all, because I get it. However, I’m still afraid of getting hurt and sometimes delusional, but I can work part time and leave my house, and even see friends sometimes.
Before, I was afraid of getting hurt, but I wouldn’t leave the attic of my house for months because I was completely delusional.
Synchronization. Its about things happening every time you see it. Like it happens all the time. Its make you feel " to good to be true" every second. Like the advertisement you see in websites. You know like AI advertisement.
I got sick when I was a teen. Was not a rebellious teen which worked out at that time. Started taking meds without any resistance. Looking back I didn’t care what was wrong with me. Being bit clueless worked out. Never had that accepting/rejecting state most people suffering have.
But after 10 years did go through I will never get sick again state. Which boomeranged. I was off AP and on two ADs. Went from anxious/depressed to feeling how could I feel better so quickly. Others telling me I seemed better made me overconfident. Then various stressful experiences. Came back few transient episodes. Humiliating experiences at hands of people close to me.
It was four years ago. I know psychosis can/might come back. Just living with it.
I’ve for the most part accepted it. But there are days I’m touched by my delusion and it’s just a really big religious encounter. I just saw my pdoc and said I’ve been delusional. But no change in meds. If it continues I’ll bring it up next month. I’m very good at masking though. Trauma response. When I’m alone is the most unbearable. But when around people I tend to fake it. Except with my care team. But I also grapple with homicidal ideation. And that is very isolating. My prn for agitation just makes me sleep. Guess you can’t have ideation if your passed out.
Once I started taking meds, the world made a bit more sense.
I have a strong inkling I was never truly “normal” to begin with, so meds were like a revelation so to speak.
I’ve accepted psychosis for the most part, but I have not come to accept the damage Zyprexa did to me and it’s been seven-ish years since I stopped it.
Fuuck that drug.
I know what you mean. I also often think that I’ve met people before that are total strangers, it’s like an extreme form of deja vu that can be very convincing.
I always see patterns everywhere. Even when I play music (I play piano and guitar), it feels like the music is being given to me, not made up by me.
If that’s sort of what you mean.
i sometimes thought it was attention seeking on my part i mean the whole sz i have.
it is cruel to do to yourself.
judy
Self Awareness is a gift but does everyone else know or even care that I am a misfit . . . Do I really care? Do I have the right to any life I want to pursue - You bet your ass I do , Ask for STreNgTh and give it in all your breaths
Same. I get better than convince myself I am making it up for attention. I seem to forget what I went through and that nobody would make that up.
I have been tempted to go off meds lately because I feel “okay”.
I ask for strength but to know the way forward, I need to see the truth of the past, see it for what it was.